Christmas Chaos

I always have this idea that Christmas means relaxing in front of a crackling fire with a mug of hot cocoa and the whipped cream slowly melting into it while I contemplate presents under a glowing tree, cuddled up with Craig on the love sac.

Ahhh... So cozy!

And there definitely were a few minutes of that this season. But I think more than half of them didn't feel nearly as relaxing because I was trying to not spill that hot cocoa as I was jumped on by Bentley and Kendra. I love my kids, but they definitely take the "relaxing" part out of Christmas.

But this year, at least, if Christmas was less than relaxing, they are not the ones to blame. I'd have to say that the bulk of the blame rests solely on my own shoulders.

To kick it all off, I am the one who decided that we just had to have another baby. And while that was definitely the right thing to do and while I absolutely adore my little Ryder, new babies certainly push things into the "less relaxing" category. Especially when their arrival sends big sister into a dramatic phase of crying over everything. And more especially when they arrive right after Thanksgiving and just as the weather turns icy, thus ushering in the cold and flu season. Kendra is now on her second cold and deals with her illness by moaning 24 hours a day. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm actually not. At all. She sounds like a very small and lonely wolf all day and, more to the point: all. night. long.

I thought midnight feedings were exhausting, but this is ten times worse. And has definitely added to the chaos factor for this Christmas.

Sorry, I just love pictures of sleeping babies (maybe because they don't look so cross-eyed then...?).
Be prepared for a lot of these throughout this post...

So between the new baby and the cold (both weather and illness), things were going to be chaotic no matter what. But then we also spent the Saturday before Christmas completely busy first with the ward Christmas party and then with driving straight from the party up to Frederick, Maryland to exchange presents with two of my sisters. Unfortunately, it turns out that there aren't many places to meet up in Frederick, so we decided it would be easiest to meet at the mall. We didn't think about the fact that it was the last Saturday before Christmas! That poor mall was jam-packed full of people! Oh, well. It was still really great to see my sisters, so it was definitely worth it!

Meeting Santa at the ward Christmas party. Ryder slept through the entire thing!

Natalie and Tracy (holding Caleb and Ryder) at the Frederick McDonald's!

Looking very maternal as I try juggling two babies!

Again with the sleeping baby pictures...

Also "less relaxing" was me insisting that we could put Craig's grandmother's old furniture to good use. I'm a sucker for beautiful wood furniture, and so when Craig's Aunt Lynda said we could have whatever we wanted of Grandmere's, I started making lists of the things we wanted. Unfortunately, none of it was available until this month. This month! Can you hear the panic in my typing? This month! Craig's parents did most of the work, and graciously drove down to South Carolina to retrieve said furniture for us. How they fit this into their own busy schedules is something of a mystery to me. But it meant that they arrived, beautiful bedroom set and dining room table in tow, on Wednesday. And we frantically crammed it all into our little house and decided we'd just have to figure out how to arrange things so that they actually "fit" later. That has still not happened yet. Maybe today? Or tomorrow? Definitely some time this week. In the meantime, our box spring is now on the floor and there are several rooms that you can barely squeeze through in our house. And I am not someone who deals with messes like that without a fair amount of stressing out. Chaos!

This has nothing to do with the furniture, but I'm trying to break up the monotony of having too much text with a few pictures. These are capturing a rare moment when I can convince my kids to abandon their usual shorts and t-shirts for some weather-appropriate clothing. And I wonder why Kendra keeps getting sick...

The obvious solution would have been to work on rearranging furniture on Thursday. Then everything would have been ready before family showed up on Friday. But Thursday was the day that the Kennedy Center has their free sing-along Messiah. And having missed it last year (Disney World, and all that), I was bound and determined to not miss it again. So, once again, I made my life way more complicated than it needed to be. But I did have a marvelous time, so I think it was worth it. Craig's parents (again, very graciously) were willing to watch Bentley and Kendra for us while we took Ryder with us and waited in line for a few hours to make sure we got tickets. I guess we got there earlier than necessary, because we ended up sitting in the front row. No kidding. Ryder's ticket (because the Kennedy Center insists that anyone who is breathing have a ticket) was A-1 in the Orchestra section. Craig took pictures:

Ryder and I in the Hall of Nations

Ryder shows off his awesome seat!

My good friend Sarah also came. I highly recommend sitting next to a vocal performance major for occasions like this!

I've already blogged about how much I love the Messiah Sing-Along. If you're in the area, you should come with me next year! It really is such a wonderfully happy event! I think it's impossible to fully appreciate the joy of the "Hallelujah Chorus" until you've sung it at full voice along with 2,000 other people! This is what Christmas is all about, after all.

(Ryder, for the record, was great. There is no easier way to make friends with strangers than to carry a tiny baby around with you. Kids loved him. The ushers loved him. The security guard moved a couch so I could sit while in line. And then the people in line with me offered to save my place so I could continue to sit while the line moved forward. Even the violinists smiled down on him! So kind! So in keeping with the spirit of Christmas!)

So, yes, Messiah was wonderful. But. It meant that my house was still a wreck on Christmas Eve. And then we were too busy with Christmas and family to do anything about it.

We did, however, find time to make cookies. Kendra enjoyed helping Daddy with this endeavor.

My sister and her husband and two children came Friday (Christmas Eve) morning. I wish I could say that they spent Christmas with us, but alas, they were only using us for our handy airport! They flew out to spend Christmas with her in-laws wicked early on Christmas morning (I actually was awake, feeding Ryder when they left, but I didn't get up to see them off). But it was still fun to have them with us for Christmas Eve! A couple highlights included having my sister play her violin to accompany us with the traditional singing of Christmas carols and dressing all the cousins in matching pajamas! So fun!

Chaos! And this isn't even one of the rooms where we added furniture!

Cousins in matching pajamas! So fun!

Reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with Daddy/Uncle Craig

Now that Ryder's awake, we needed to take another cousin picture

Note: it's really hard to get five children all under the age of 4 to hold still, let alone smile!

It's the back of these p.j.'s that really make them adorable!

Also arriving on Christmas Eve were my in-laws (who, you may recall, had already been here to deliver furniture and then to watch Bentley & Kendra while I was busy singing some Handel). They totally out-did themselves this year, and the bar had already been set pretty high by them! My mother-in-law, bless her heart, decided that she didn't want to leave any mess behind at all when they left. So they brought everything with them: linens, towels, and everything for Christmas dinner (including two rolls of paper towels for cleaning up the kitchen). Everything we might have needed, my mother-in-law brought, cooked, and then cleaned up when we were done. I'm so spoiled. Thank you, Donna. Really. Thank you so much. If all the chaos I've been describing didn't cause me to have a nervous breakdown, it's definitely because of all your efforts.

They also brought approximately eight thousand presents for everyone. Including the rest of the first season of Glee for me. Woo hoooo!

Before the kids can open anything...

Kendra tries on her Buzz Lightyear costume

More chaos!

Enjoying some snuggly time!

Kendra, post-cupcake

Ryder tries out a little thumb-sucking

So how do I even begin to sum up our Christmas? It was a lot of insanity. I have to admit that I am anxious to get my life and my house and my children's health back in order. But Christmas was also happy and wonderful and everything Christmas should be. I guess the week before New Year's is for getting organized again, right?

But next year I'm going to schedule more hot cocoa-in-front-of-the-fire time!

Success!

I'm pleased to announce that I managed to bring all three kids with me to the doctor's this morning for Ryder's three-week checkup. All four of us were dressed and fed, and we even arrived on time. I'm pretty proud of myself. And I'm really relieved to have it done with.

I wish I could say that next on the list was a trip to the grocery store, playing in the snow with the kids, cooking a fabulous dinner, and possibly putting in some volunteer hours at the local homeless shelter. But the truth is that that one outing has me beat. I'm in my pajamas now (but I have showered, at least!) and will feel pretty accomplished if I manage to blow dry my hair. If I'm really feeling energetic, I might do the dishes from yesterday. Maybe.

What accomplishments are you proud of for today?

Another Pictures-and-an-Update Post

I'm trying to be better about pictures.

Here you can kind of tell how blonde Ryder's hair is. And yes, he does actually have some hair!

I just loved how tiny his feet looked poking out of the bottom of this sleeper! It reminded me of this ultrasound picture....

Craig got to take the two older kids to church while I stayed home and took a much-needed nap.
But I did at least help him get the kids dressed before he left. And it turns out that we clean up pretty good, if I may say so myself! So then I had to take pictures.

I love Kendra's smile here!

As for me, I'm doing pretty well these days. I spent way too much time hanging out with friends yesterday, but loved every minute of it. Next time I should maybe schedule in some time for meals, though. For now, I'll just call it a "weight loss plan" instead of worrying whether I'm incapable of taking care of myself. The kids all got fed, at least. That counts for something, right? And speaking of food, my visiting teachers are being angels and bringing me dinners. I love the "dinners for women who just had babies" thing in our church. I was thinking about it, and I could count about eight different women I've brought meals to, and probably twelve that have brought me meals over the course of my three children being born. What a great way of serving each other! I know that I will always be grateful to the people who helped me out, and I love getting a chance to return the favor to someone else. It's a marvelous system.

Another marvelous system is the "We saw some snowflakes, cancel everything!!!" system here in Virginia. They have the same system in Seattle. And I love it! It's the reason that Craig gets to come home early today. I see hot cocoa by the fireplace in my very near future.

I think that's about it on my end of things. If you're in Manassas and one of the people I haven't seen yet, then would you please invite yourself over? I'm afraid of going anywhere in the snow, but if you're braver and/or better at driving in the snow than I am, then you are totally welcome to come hang out here! My kids aren't even sick any more, I promise!

Over and out!

It's Bound to Get Better, Right?

So here's the report on my first real morning on my own...

The entire time my Mom was here (and willing to stay up all night holding a cranky baby, should the need arise), Ryder slept great. Sure, he woke up to eat* once or twice, but other than that, he just slept away. So naturally, last night, the first night that my Mom is gone and that I actually need to get up in the morning, he didn't do that. He slept until 1:30 and then ate until 3:00 and then refused to go back to sleep! I didn't know what else to try and had used up my own good will, so I finally nudged Craig awake. He dutifully changed Ryder, burped him some more, and when Ryder continued to fuss, Craig put him in his crib and turned on the bathroom fan so we wouldn't have to listen to him any more.

I felt sort of bad about that, and promised myself I would check on him in ten minutes. But then instead I fell into a very unsound sleep, full of guilty feelings, but not quite heavy enough on the guilt to actually wake me up.

Three hours later, when Craig got up for work, he checked on Ryder and found him crying in his crib. I feel like THE worst mommy in the world. I really hope he hadn't been crying that whole time, but I have no way of ever knowing. Each time I've fed him since then, I've begged him to forgive me and tried to reassure him that I love him. He's mostly just slept, which makes me think he probably was crying for a good chunk of that time.

Any suggestions for how to relieve guilt? Other than promising to not do that again? How do you make things up to a two-week-old?



Later on, I woke up again (I do a lot of waking up these days) to my other two children marching into my bedroom naked. Kendra was at least still wearing her diaper. No such luck with Bentley and his underwear. To top that little performance off, Bentley also informed me that he was going to be pooping soon and I would need to wipe his bum. I guess that was considerate of him to at least give me warning, but it's still not the way I would choose to wake up.

Sigh.

If anyone has a "worst mommy" moment they want to share, I'm open to it. I would love to feel like I'm not the first person to sleep through possibly hours of their infant crying.

But if you want to just grab a whip and help me with my self-flagellation, I wouldn't protest too much. I probably deserve it.



*And unfortunately Ryder still isn't very good at latching on. It can sometimes take him as long as twenty minutes to get it right, during which time he gets more and more angry at me for not just feeding him already, before he finally figures it out and actually nurses like a normal baby. It makes for some very long night-time feedings! I don't remember this being a problem with Kendra...



P.S. A huge congratulations to my sister-in-law on the birth of their son-- Eli Thomas Smith, born Dec. 13th!!!! We can't wait to meet the little guy!
I think it's so cool that Ryder has three little cousins within six months of his age!

Baby Love

I've mostly spent this week falling in love with my little Ryder. I think I love the same things about each baby, but that newborn phase passes so quickly I'm trying hard to appreciate every detail this time. Here are some of my favorites things:

-The Superhero Stretch. This usually happens when I pick Ryder up under his arms after feeding him. He'll curl his legs under him, put one fist under his chin and stretch the other one out. He looks like a mini-superman. (Makes sense, if you remember that his father is so mild-mannered!)

-Newborn Noises. Even crying is sort of hard to take seriously in a newborn, but especially Ryder's cry, because when he gets worked up enough, he'll begin to snort. Kendra was the same way. According to one of the nurses, that's what happens to babies that have quick deliveries: they don't get all the gunk squeezed out of their lungs, so they tend to snort. Whatever the reason, it cracks me up every time. Ryder is also getting good at making that funny chuckling noise in his sleep.


-Those funny half-smiles. Someone decided that newborns smile in their sleep when they have gas. Talk about a killjoy! And I don't believe it for a second. Does that even make any sense at all? Not really. I think he's smiling because he's got a full tummy and is enjoying his sleep. I would, too. Maybe I do? In any case, they're adorable and I love it when I see those smiles flicker across his face.


-The rare occasions when he's actually awake. He just looks around with such a stoic look on his face. Ryder manages to do this with his mouth closed tight, which I think adds to the stoic-ness. Stiff upper lip and all that.


-Letting them sleep against your chest. They only do it for a month or two, but it sure is cozy and snuggly. How does anyone ever set them down when they're sleeping like this?


-Watching him move and remembering feeling those movements inside me. This is especially true of the small wiggly movements-- stretching his back to one side, and things like that. It makes me miss being pregnant (but don't worry-- not enough to do anything about it)!


-Usually when I burp Ryder, I lean him against my chest and he'll throw one arm around mine. It's the sweetest gesture and he is completely unaware of it.

-The other day I was holding him, and he linked pinkies with me. I made Craig take a picture.


It's a beautiful thing, this baby love.

Good Point, Actually.

Okay, so I don't normally base my life philosophy on what guests on the Conan O'Brien show say, but I think this guy actually made some really good points. Thanks to Craig's brother for showing us this one. And apologies for the swearing (although it is bleeped out, so that's not such a big deal, right?).

Hope you enjoy it, too!

Pictures and a Quick Update

Hey, everyone! I'm sure you've been checking in every day hoping for more pictures of my little family, right? Well, who am I to disappoint? Here goes:

Last day in the hospital and I'm feeling good enough to put on a little makeup. Not bad.

Ryder's going home outfit. I bought a girl one and a boy one, just to have my bases covered.
But I forgot to bring socks for the poor guy!

Bentley was so excited to have me home that he celebrated by wearing Craig's pajama pants.
I think it's a good look for him.

Kendra immediately followed suit. I like that her shirt sort of matches my pajamas!

I managed to get a picture of Ryder with both eyes open! Sorry it's a little dark-- I hated to use a flash.

Bentley reminisces about his days spent in that same carrier.

This week has been pretty good, although we're definitely suffering in the Sleep Department. It hasn't helped that Kendra was running a fever yesterday and kept waking up, and now Bentley has one, too. I guess it's nice that the entire family can be sleep deprived together, right? I'm just hoping all that stuff about breastfeeding giving babies some immunity to stuff like this is true. I can't think of anything much sadder than getting sick in your first week of life. Wish us luck there!

I managed to venture out of the house with all three kids today and go to my in-law's house for dinner. I was pretty proud of us all for getting there within an hour of when we said we'd be there. That's about how late we ran even before Ryder, so as far as I'm concerned, we're right on schedule.

Ryder is a typical newborn in that he sleeps a TON. And since he's my third kid, I now have enough parenting experience to enjoy this as much as possible. He's less typical in that he tends to have a bowel movement every fifteen minutes. It's kind of impressive, in a completely gross sort of way. I can never decide if it's better to let him sleep in a dirty diaper or if I should wake him up and change him. But when I need to wake him up during a feeding, this always works like a charm.

My favorite thing about him now, in addition to his tiny bit of hair, is the look he has on his face most times. Bentley used to give me this look that clearly said, "Do you have any idea what you're doing? Because I am not convinced." Ryder looks a little more stoic. He tends to let his eyes wander aimlessly around the room while pursing his lips slightly. The looks says to me, "Well, here I am. I guess. Try not to screw things up too much, okay?" (I am trying, buddy. Really, I am.)

As for me, I'm feeling pretty good, especially considering I'm only taking the occasional ibuprofen. If my life existed in the world of Harry Potter, I'd be making good use the reducto charm, if you know what I mean, but other than that life is good. I'm enjoying having help from so many people: Craig took most of this last week off to be with us all, my in-laws took care of the kids while I was in the hospital (and also cleaned, did laundry, and fixed things around the house-- I have all these cupboards that now magically close properly and a microwave that is so clean I almost didn't recognize it! I'm pretty sure my wonderful in-laws are the ones to thank for these small miracles). My sister also rushed down from Hershey-- with her two kids!-- before I could even get home from the hospital and helped out a ton-- she even thought to bring snack foods for my kids!-- and also kept my house remarkably clean, especially considering that while she was here, we had a 4-year-old, a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, a 5-month-old and a 3-day-old all under one roof. What an adventure! And now my Mom is here also slaving away for me. I think I may have forgotten how to do dishes. It's great! Thank you to ALL of you for all your love and support and plain old hard work!

Every so often I start to wonder how I'll manage three kids on my own next week when all the help is gone. That's when I start to panic. So I tell myself-- Scarlet O'Hara style-- to not worry about it until next week. I've got time to get it all sorted out, right? But for those of you with a handful of kids, any tips you want to suggest will be more than appreciated.

And while I'm soliciting advice, I'm curious: How long is one allowed to wear maternity clothes after giving birth before it's downright embarrassing? No particular reason, I'm just wondering. ;)