The Decision

Last week, Craig and I finally made our decision and hired a midwife.

I can't tell you how excited I am about this.  As of today, I am 25 weeks pregnant, and I have spent most of that time worrying about how best to bring this baby into the world.  After three really lousy hospital experiences (all of which were bad for very different reasons), I'm calling a "three strikes, you're out" and throwing in the towel on hospitals.  I am planning to have a home birth. 

Now, I realize that lots of people think that people who give birth at home are crazy.  I understand that line of thinking because up until Kendra's accidental home birth, I totally agreed with it.  People would ask if I was going to have her at home and I would laugh at them and remind them that I wasn't insane.  Until she was born at home.  And I realized that that was the best experience (and BY FAR the easiest labor) I've had.  And until Ryder's birth was so awful.  And then I started to wonder if I wasn't the crazy one for even considering going back to a hospital when it just wasn't what I wanted for my baby's birth.

I started reading more and more about labor and birth.  I started reading birth blogs by other LDS women who felt strongly that Heavenly Father cared about how His children were born.  And it made me feel that it was in my baby's (and my) best interest to do everything I could to ensure that my care provider was someone I trusted, which, as I've said before, was impossible with the way my insurance works right now.  The more I learned and thought about all this, the greater my desire for a planned home birth became.  There are so many aspects of a hospital birth that I don't want and so many things about a birth that I do want.  And while the hospital tours here all emphasize that they want everything to go the way you want it to go, the reality is that this rarely happens, and you have to fight for it every step of the way-- a lot of the things they do happen before you even realize what's going on, you're just so busy being relieved that labor is over.  (I know of plenty of people who have had wonderful experiences in hospitals birthing their babies, so I don't mean this in ANY WAY to be critical of you if that's how it's worked for you-- this is all solely based on my own rather anecdotal BAD experiences.  So please don't take this as a criticism of people who are happy to go to the hospital!  Honestly, I sort of wish I could have that experience-- my life would be easier and this all would have been a lot cheaper had they worked out that way!)

But I need to fight for the labor I want.

And what I want is to labor as peacefully as possible, without people poking needles into my arms and wrists, smearing goop on my swollen tummy which then makes the hospital gown stick to me like some slimy, cheap sheet, and feels absolutely awful, only to further the uncomfortableness by strapping things around that same swollen stomach and yelling at me if I move.  I don't want some stranger that I just met that day sticking their fingers up inside me and then threatening me with procedures I don't want or need if I haven't dilated enough to satisfy them.

When it comes time to push, I don't want people screaming at me that I'm doing it wrong, that I shouldn't be doing it yet, that I have to lay down on my back, or anything else for that matter.  I want someone to encourage me and tell me I'm doing great.  I want someone to tell me that we can see his head and then to bask with me in what a miracle this all is that I am pushing a living human being out into the world to take his first breath.

And then, when that moment comes, I want to be handed my baby all naked and wiggly the moment he is born.  I don't want him washed, poked, prodded, and wrapped up before I even get to see him and hold him.  I want them to wait a bit before cutting the cord so he can get that last little bit of cord blood that might be beneficial to him.  I want to skip the Hep-A vaccine, since he won't be at risk for that anywhere that I will be taking him.  (We'll do it later, when he's a little older and his immune system has had some time to mature.  I'm not anti-vaccinations, I'm just pro-waiting on vaccinations.)  I don't want his eyes smeared with ointment to protect him from chlamydia, because it turns out that I don't have-- have NEVER had-- any STDs (one of the many perks to following the rules of my church, it turns out!)-- I want my baby to be able to look around and see his mommy and daddy this first hour of his life.  I used to be grossed out by the idea of being handed a baby still covered in amniotic fluid, vernix, and who-knows-what-else, but I've done it enough times now to understand that I'm pretty gross by the end of labor, too.  So who cares if we're a bit messy together?  We'll both get baths in a bit, and that will be just fine.

I want to be in my home where I feel safe and secure and loved.  I want my other children close by, not separated from me for several scary days while they try to process this new addition to the family without their mommy nearby to help.  I want them to meet their baby brother right away and also feel the specialness of new life.

I understand things don't always go as planned.  Maybe something will happen that will force me back to the hospital for the good of my baby.  Maybe my midwife will turn out to be as mean as the doctors.  But I am trying to do everything within my power to make this into the experience I dream it can be.  And for now, that's everything I can do.

This Is Why We Don't Try to Have Meaningful Discussions Before 9am

I'm a little bit on the bipolar side in the morning.  If it's a sleep-in day for me, all Craig can really expect from me as he leaves for work is a grunted "I love you." And I figure that's being pretty generous.  But.  If it's a morning where I get up early and go walking with Vangie, then Craig gets me all wide awake and chatty.  I might even cross over into bubbly and perky.  He's not really sure which version of me is harder to deal with at 6:30 in the morning.

This morning was a walking day, and a day where I'm excited for our trip this afternoon, so I popped out of the shower filled with energy, which manifested itself in the absolutely need to talk about Glee with him.  Our conversation went something like this:


Me: I don't like the new character Kitty.  I mean, she's supposed to be all Christian mean girl-- which is already a cliche that bugs me-- but then she's like some sort of hybrid of Quinn and Santana, but she's not pretty or funny or anything.  I mean, why would anyone like her?

Craig: I don't know...  I mean, isn't that sort of the point?  She thinks she's all that but NO ONE really likes her, not even her lover.  That's what makes her funny.

(I'll admit that at this point I was kind of surprised.  Craig doesn't even like Glee, he mostly just tolerates it to humor me.  So really?  He's defending one of its lamest characters ever?)

Me, persisting: But she's not even pretty!  When TV characters are supposed to be pretty and aren't, that kind of offends me!

Craig: Yeah, but she's still really funny!

Me: You think she's funny?  Really?  I don't think she's all that funny...  Not like Sue Sylvester is...

Craig: Oh, come on.  How many times have we quoted her line, "And say good-bye to these, 'cuz it's the last time you'll see them!"?

And THAT'S when I realized that Craig was talking about Kitty from Arrested Development. 

Arrested Development Kitty

Glee Kitty

 Who is also not particularly pretty.  But is DANG funny.  And quotable.  And a great character for a TV show to have.

And then we laughed about the mix-up.  And then we breathed a sigh of relief that our marriage wasn't in trouble after all.  Craig was starting to worry that if we couldn't agree on the awesomeness of Arrested Development, what could we possibly have left?  Because I mean, if you can't agree on the basics like this, where do you go from there?

Our 2nd New York 2012 Trip

Today is the calm before the storm day for me.  Not in the literal sense-- no more Sandys coming this way, that I've heard of.  But in the sense that I don't have much to do today, but then tomorrow I'll be grocery shopping, washing and folding laundry, packing, and then we're driving up to New York to spend Thanksgiving with the Manhattan contingent of the Bentley clan.

And I am so excited!!!

I know the trip is going to be exhausting and fattening and then more exhausting, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be DANG fun, too!  On the agenda so far is Craig making the turkey (with Brian as his sous chef), going to Inflation Eve of the Macy's parade and then the actual event the next day, the Shake Shack, getting chocolate mousse at some place (shoot-- I already forgot the name), and then cooking up a storm at Leah's new house.  I'm in charge of the mashed potatoes and I'm going to try out this stuffing recipe.  Craig, in addition to the turkey (and more traditional stuffing), will be busy making spritz cookies, his other specialty.  And then everyone else is making a host of sides, desserts, and appetizers.  I'm bringing all three of my crockpots to help keep stuff warm.

It's gonna be awesome.

But even more exciting than all the food and the parade is the chance to see so many of my sisters again-- the only person we'll be missing is Natalie.  I haven't seen Eliot, one of my two two-year-old nephews, since July, so I'm excited to hear all the words he can say now and just get to know his budding personality.  (Leah informs me that he is anti-pants at the moment.  I wish I could be, too!)  And, Leah and Brian moved from the house they were renting to one that they own, so of course I'm excited to check out their new place.  And then there's the obvious "sit around and talk with everyone" time which is my absolute most favorite thing in the world to do.  I'm thankful that we have phones and can stay connected so easily, but nothing beats the four-sisters-plus-husbands conversations that can follow after eating way too much food and tucking the kids into bed.  Really, nothing does.

It's funny because I remember not really loving Thanksgiving when I was a kid.  I think most of the foods didn't really appeal to me and the whole thing just seemed like a lot of work for nothing that I liked.  I have definitely had a change of heart.  What could you possibly not love about this holiday?

Anyway, wish us safe driving and way too much eating in the days to come.  And a very happy Thanksgiving to you!

A Nice Slice of Humble Pie

Okay, I'll just admit it: I've been feeling pretty good about how I look right now in this pregnancy.  Sure, I've got the tummy thing going.  But it really looks like a pregnant tummy and not like a "boy, that girl must have eaten a big lunch" tummy.  And I'm not to the point where random fast food people want to tell me that I look like I'm about to pop or (personal favorite), that in a few weeks time I will really "have a shelf."  (Yup, some woman said that.  And then she told me that I should have just bought a doll instead.  Now where was she with the great advice 8 months earlier???)

So, yeah.  Maybe I've been a little too proud of myself.  When the doctor commented that my weight gain of 13 lbs was "not bad" I actually corrected him and pointed out that, for a woman who averages 50 pounds per pregnancy, putting on 13 pounds in half the time was dang good, thank you very much.  He quickly corrected himself and said I was doing great.  Smart man.

But in the last two days, I have had two people ask me-- as they're telling me how great I look!-- if I'm due in January.  Um, no, I'm due in March.  Two months later.  I'm only at 23 weeks.  I'm not even close to being into my third trimester yet.

Which leads me to wonder if I'm not doing quite as well as I thought...  And then I have to cheer myself up by eating cookies and cupcakes and chocolate cheerios.  Probably not the *best* way to remedy the situation.

Ah, well.  Tomorrow I'll be good.  Really, really good.  Nothing but fruits and vegetables.

Riiiiiiiight...

Really?

Here are some reasons I've heard that people have voted for Obama:

-Because Mitt Romney was going to not let her kids go to school (this from a Hispanic woman)

-Because Mitt Romney wouldn't let girls who'd been raped have an abortion

-Because Bill Clinton gave a really good speech at the Democratic National Convention

-Because it's only fair to let Obama finish up the year, and then Romney can take over in January after all the Hurricane Sandy stuff is done with

-Because Mitt Romney wasn't going to let women use birth control

-And my favorite, from the comments section of some article in Slate, "Never trust a latter day snake."


Yup.  Those are some good ones.  Because I know all my readers are smart, I won't bother refuting any of these-- honestly, it would be too easy.

But I will quote my Dad: "What really bothers me here is that that guy's vote counts the same as mine."

Really, America?

The Anonymous Driver

I pealed my Romney sticker off the back of my car yesterday.  Whether he won or lost, I'd been looking forward to doing this as soon as the election was over.  As strong as my political beliefs are, I'm not comfortable wearing them on my sleeve (or, well, on my car, I guess).  I worry that my car will get keyed for these beliefs.  Or that people will drive more aggressively around me.  I also worry that if I make a mistake-- cut someone off or just do something stupid-- that people will judge me and/or my political party for that.  (Four years ago, it seemed that every slow car I ever got stuck behind was sporting an Obama sticker.  And it drove me nuts.  And yes, I was probably overly judgmental of these slow-driving liberals blocking my way!)

So I'm glad my mini-van will be a little more anonymous again.  I still have a couple stickers on it-- one that says "NAM" from when I was in Namibia.  I'm guessing that most people who read it will think it refers to Vietnam, but I can't help it if no one has heard of Namibia.  And my magnet from Japan that signifies that I am a new driver, and should therefore be treated nicely.  No one understands that one, either, but it still makes me smile whenever I notice it. 

I was also relieved to take down the Romney sign in our front yard.  When we first put it up, I worried that someone would throw a rock through our window or something.  Nothing of the sort EVER happened.  But I worried.  And having it there in plain sight was probably the only reason on Halloween that I gave candy to teenagers who weren't wearing costumes.  (Geeeez, they annoy me.  I mean-- if you're willing to put on a costume, I'm happy to give you some candy, but if you're too lazy to even bother with a costume, I don't think you deserve any candy.)

It's sad to me to think that I worried so much about it all.  Is our country so divided that I had good reason to worry? 

And yes, I'll admit, I have been very sad that Romney lost.  Partly because I think his business savvy would have been really good for our country and all its debt problems.  But perhaps even more so just because I think he is a genuinely good person.  I'm sad that so many of our citizens apparently couldn't see that.  And why 13 million less people voted than four years ago is a complete and utter mystery to me.  (A sad mystery.)


But at least I can go back to not advertising my political beliefs on my car.  It doesn't make up for things, but it is a relief.

Antsy

I have been getting so keyed up about the upcoming election.  So it was really nice to read this blog post from Middle-aged Mormon Man to help me keep things in perspective. 

So now I'm trying to remind myself:  It's okay for people to disagree with me.  {Breathe.}  No matter what happens, everything will still be okay.  {Breathe.}  I love my neighbors no matter how ill-informed I think they might be (and I keep in mind that they surely think I'm the one who's ill-informed).   {Breathe.}  There are more important things than politics.  {Breathe.}

Only another couple of days of this.  {Breathe.}  I can survive.  {Breeeeeeeathe.}


Don't forget to get out there and vote, everyone!  (Yes, even if you're voting for the other guy-- I still want you to exercise your civic duty!)

Getting Ready for Winter

As I was planning my menu for the week, it suddenly hit me that I was craving casseroles.  You know the ones I mean?  The ones that always use at least one can of cream of something soup, and you have to cook all the ingredients individually, and then put them all together and cook the whole thing again?  And they're kind of a pain to make, but the one upshot is that they always have to be in the oven just long enough for you to get all the dishes cleaned up and the table set so you get to sit down to dinner with a clean kitchen.  (Which is pretty awesome if you think about it.)

Yeah.  Those casseroles.

Wow, they sound good to me.  I just found a bunch of them listed in a word doc I created a few years ago, and I'm having a hard time deciding which one to make first. 

And soup-- ooh, I want lots and lots of creamy soups!  My two favorites right now are Broccoli Cheddar and Potato and Chive.  I could slurp these all day.  And if I've managed to plan ahead and get bread bowls from Panera to serve them in, then my life is pretty much made.  (The added bonus is that Ryder actually likes my homemade soups!  What almost-two-year-old has a penchant for soup???)

I know none of this is health food.  But it just sounds so warm and cozy and comforting now that the cold weather has settled in!  Is that just nature and getting ready for winter?  Or am I just letting myself slip back into old, unhealthy habits?