Self-Portrait

One of the Christmas presents Bentley and Kendra got was the Pixar movie WALL·E. Craig and I hadn't seen it before, so we decided it would make for a good Friday movie night for the whole family. And considering that there was hardly any dialogue, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it! (Although I've like every Pixar movie I've ever seen, so it wasn't a huge surprise or anything...) Wall-e and Eva's very sweet relationship was especially fun to watch.


I was a little surprised by Craig's reaction to it, though. At one point in the movie where Eva suddenly gets angry and blasts something with her laser arm, Craig busted up laughing. "I like Eva!" he announced, "She reminds me of you!"

Um, okay? But for lack of any better options, I decided to take that as a compliment.

But what really made me laugh was the next day when Bentley asked to watch the movie again. As I was getting it loaded up, he told me, "I like Eva, she's nice. Except, sometimes she's kind of scary."

{Sigh.} That's me, I guess.

Politics As Usual

Every so often, I just can't keep my opinions to myself. So I have to share this video with you, which explains what exactly President Obama's promise to cut $100 million from the budget means. Thanks to my friend Neal (who doesn't read my blog, but oh, well) for sharing this on facebook!

January Isn't Even Over Yet and I'm Giving Up

I hate to admit defeat, but I think this winter might just be too depressing to really stick to a diet. I won't let myself go crazy like I did in December, but I just can't be as good as I had planned and hoped to be. If the only thing that can cheer me up on a cold, white depressing day is a hot bowl of creamy soup, then so be it.

Apologies to my body. When the weather warms up I'll begin earnestly trying to win back the skinny me. Really, I will (I do want to be able to wear a swimsuit without feeling embarrassed, after all)! But not just yet. Besides, I think I need those fat layers to try and keep warm.

The Education of Ryder

Craig captured this video the other day. Looks like Ryder's education is taking off with a roaring start!

Run-On Sentence

Just when I'm beginning to think that I can't possibly survive one more day of this cold, colorless depression that is winter, we get a surprise snow day and Craig gets to stay home and suddenly I find myself sitting in the kitchen with my sweet husband while the cinnamon rolls he just threw together rise on our heated bathroom floor (is that totally weird to let bread rise there? but it works!), planning things like shopping for a new vacuum at Bed, Bath and Beyond and getting the baby toys out of storage for Ryder and putting away the plates my mother-in-law gave me-- all things we have time for now that we have an entire day together-- and life, even on cold depressing winter days, seems just a teensy bit more manageable.

All Aboard for the Potty Train

I've known for a while that Kendra was close to being ready to be potty trained. And all her little friends (and more importantly, all their mothers) have been in the throes of potty training for the last several months. But I just. didn't. want. to do. it.

Can I even begin to tell you how much I hate potty training? I mean, seriously. I would much rather just change a diaper than have to stand hovering over the toilet for hours on end giving pep talks about bowel movements, only to have to clean up any big messes that don't make it to the toilet (despite all those pep talks). Even when it goes fairly well, it's still a big hassle and a big mess. And until your child is REALLY well trained, it's nearly impossible to leave the house, AND it makes getting out the door that much harder. So I've become a firm believer in procrastinating this chore as long as possible. And with a new baby in the house and all, I figured no one could accuse me of being too lazy for not getting Kendra out of diapers just yet.

But Kendra had other ideas.

First she began holding it in, only to leak out of her diaper when she did finally go. Craig suggested that since I had a mess to clean up either way, perhaps it was time to try putting her in underwear. I reluctantly agreed to let her use the potty on Saturday. After a few accidents, she got it right once and was very proud of herself. Progress!

But I put her back in diapers the next day. I figured there was no need to worry about this stuff while we're at church. I haul enough junk around in my diaper bag without an extra church outfit, too! But when I picked Kendra up from nursery at the end of the day, her nursery teacher had a surprise for us.

"Do you think you could just put her in a pull-up next week?" this very hard-working volunteer asked, "She had to go to the bathroom twice, and it's a pain getting her diaper off and on."

Yup-- Kendra had managed to go to the bathroom twice without us even knowing. I was too surprised by all this to explain to her teacher that these bathroom trips comprised her second and third time properly using a toilet!

So I guess there's no holding her back now. She did have some accidents yesterday after church, so we're by no means finished. But we are off to a great start* this morning! So rather than fight it any more, I'll instead allow myself to be dreamy-eyed at the idea of having only one child in diapers.



While I'm typing, I have to mention this-- I've often thought that Kendra's birth was something of a metaphor for her personality. When she's ready for something, she is ready, and there's just no stopping her. It's how she learned to walk, too. She refused for months to take a single step, and then, when Grandpa finally convinced her to try it, she was done with crawling forever. It looks like it will be the same thing with diapers.

Kendra was born on President's Day. I can't wait to see where she goes in life!



*In an effort to keep this blog from degenerating too much, I am not going to disclose all the gross details. If you're really that curious, just call me and we can discuss poop to your heart's content. And I will think you're really weird.

I'm Sorry, in Advance.

Because I can't help but brag about this. Because I know it won't happen again for another month. So this is my way of enjoying it while I can.



Because last night

Ryder

slept through the night.



And it was AWESOME.

I fed him around 9:00 at night. We kept him up way too late (oops). And then he slept until 8:30 the next morning. It's gotten to the point where I feel selfish keeping him all to myself. I think maybe we should clone him so scores of other people can have such an easy baby.

Let me know if you want one.

My kids: Too cool for school.

FYI

I was looking for one of those gadgets that tells you where the people who read your blog are located. But then I got totally distracted by this completely random and worthless fish one that I have now added and should be just to the left of these words.

Aren't my fishies cute? And if you wave your mouse over them, they'll follow you around! And if you click the mouse, it will leave bits of food for them! How fun is that??? I'm so incredibly amused by my fish it's actually pretty pathetic. Which is why I'm proudly showing them off to you! Enjoy my fish!

Expectations

All right. I'm just going to come right out and say this:

I hate surprises.

There. Does that make me a not-fun person? Probably. But I can't help it. I hate it when someone says, "I've got a surprise for you!" and then you have to wait until whenever to find out what it is. I am always disappointed. If you just tell me out-right what you've got, the odds are really good that I'm going to be totally excited about whatever you've bought/done/planned. But when you leave me not knowing, I always end up disappointed.

Sorry I'm so lame. I really can't help it.

It's something I never gave a whole lot of thought to until last night when Craig and I were discussing-- of all things-- Kendra's new toy horse. Its tail has been shedding hair all over the place and I was telling Craig that I really needed to vacuum up those creepy long black hairs.

"Or," Craig suggested, "You could buy a curry comb!"

"Great idea." I said.

Craig, though, was surprised that I even knew what a curry comb was. He took horseback riding lessons as a kid, so he thought he'd have the edge on me since I didn't.

"No," I explained, "like most little girls, I went through a stage in my life where every Christmas I secretly hoped for a pony. But it never happened."

It was Craig, insightful guy that he is, who took this to the next step.

"Is that why you hate surprises? Because every time someone says they have a surprise for you, you're secretly hoping that they're going to give you a horse?"


Yup. He nailed it. I couldn't even admit to him at the time (but I'm admitting it now) that later, after I'd gotten over my love of horses, my infatuation with whales began (and never really ended) and my expectations rose even higher. That's when I began hoping for a pet killer whale. How could any surprise ever hope to live up to such expectations?

Craig assured me that he would never ever surprise me with a horse, so I could give up on that notion.

But I'm not giving up on the killer whale.


Some day. It's gonna happen!

Art

The BYU Alumni email recently pointed me towards this short animated film, "Thought of You" by Ryan Woodward, which I find absolutely beautiful. There's this part of me that always wonders if I had it in me to be either a dancer or an artist-- forms of art that I pursued at best half-heartedly and way too late to ever be particularly good at. Rather than sitting around regretting my life, I prefer instead to appreciate what those with more dedication and talent can do. This short combined the two so gracefully I can't help but love it. Go ahead and watch it now, then you can read my thoughts about and watch it again and see if you agree! (If the link doesn't work, you can always go here instead.)

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

There are so many things here that I love, like the very beginning when the boy wakes up. It's sad to admit, but that's how I feel most mornings as I get out of bed. At 1:16, when the girl leaps and the whole thing goes into slow motion for just a moment. Why can't life do that for real? At 1:50 when the boy's arms suddenly grow long and weigh him down. I have definitely had times when I felt like that. And then right after that when the girl sprouts wings. I have had those moments, too, and they are amazing. This was such a perfect way of expressing those times.

Craig and I both sort of hated the ending to this, with the girl curling up and collapsing all alone. But as we were discussing it, he said that if he were still single, he would probably like it. I asked him why, and he said it was because the girl "deserved it for playing hard to get!" I wondered what exactly she did to play hard to get, and he answered, "Well, she kept disappearing on him!" Good point, good point. It reminded me how glad I am that I am incapable of playing hard to get-- Craig and I never would have worked out...

Goals

It seems that with each kid, I set the bar a little higher for what I want from their birth. Before Bentley was born, all I wanted was a healthy baby. Before Kendra came, I wanted a healthy baby, delivered vaginally. Before Ryder, I wanted a healthy, vaginal delivery in a hospital. (Is this starting to sound like "The 12 Days of Christmas" to you, too?) Now, for my next child (which is still far off in the future), I would like a healthy baby, delivered vaginally, in the hospital with no one yelling at me AND born in the spring. ("Five gooooooooold rings!")

I realized yesterday that my children, with their September, February, and November birthdays, all get stuck with colds when they are WAY too young. And they also spend the first few months of their lives wrapped up so tightly in blankets and sleepers that I hardly see their little feet until they're about six months old! These have both got to stop. Those feet are way too cute to cover up so much. And I am so fed up with taking my kids to see the doctor.

It really hit me yesterday, as I took Ryder to the doctor for the second time in twelve hours (urgent care the night before, and then a follow-up visit with his usual pediatrician): one of my kids has had to see a doctor every week since Ryder's birth! First Ryder has his usual 2-day-old check-up. Then Bentley was sick. Then Ryder had his 2-week check-up. Then Kendra was sick. And now Ryder is sick. Seriously! This has GOT to STOP. First of all, I hate going to the doctor unless it's for a good reason. Going for a prenatal appointment? Good reason. Going because you have a cold and feel like you have to double check that there's nothing else to be done? Bad reason. Even worse is bringing the other kids to the doctor with the sick kid. It's just so much work to get them all in shoes and coats, and then try to herd them in the right direction, even more so when I don't have a shopping cart in which to keep them contained! (Yes, yes, at this point, you're probably thinking that I am the one who wanted three kids so I shouldn't be complaining. And you make a very good point. In my defense, my gripe here isn't about the things I knew I'd have to do with three kids, like going grocery shopping. My problem is all the stuff that I didn't think I was signing up for. Like an extra doctor's appointment every week!)

So. My goal for now is to get everyone healthy. And my long-term goal: a baby born in the spring. Vaginally. In a hospital. With no one yelling at me that I'm doing it all wrong. Wouldn't that be delightful?

In the meantime, my main task is caring for poor little Ryder who has "just a touch" of RSV. He doesn't have most of the truly terrifying symptoms, but he does occasionally sound awful when he's breathing. But his oxygen levels, despite the wheezing, are very good, so I'm not too worried. For now, I just have to keep a close eye on him in case things get worse, give him saline drops (he loves that, let me tell you) and use our brand new nebulizer that we bought for him. I had never even heard of one of these machines before Tuesday, and now I sort of think its name is way too cool for the actual machine. I think a nebulizer sounds more like something Dr. Horrible would be working on that turns his enemies (Captain Hammer, mostly, but also Johnny Snow) into clouds. Or perhaps creates clouds of cover while he pulls off his famously successful heist? Something like that. Not just a little misting machine that you breathe in medicine with.


But yes, Ryder has a nebulizer and I'm getting pretty good at holding him in a sitting position while holding the mask against his face. He makes it easier by being pretty good up until the last minute or two. He's a pretty chill baby (thank goodness!). Unfortunately, this cold is messing up his amazing ability to sleep through the night. He'd been only waking up once at night (occasionally as late as 5:00am!!!*), but now the coughing will wake him up. Grr.


Only two and a half more months until spring.




*Having a 9 lb. baby is turning out to be a blessing in disguise. Sure, it hurt like crazy pushing him out, but he sleeps better than my other kids by a long shot. So I guess 20 minutes of pain makes up for hours of extra sleep down the road, right? By the way, this kid is now weighing in at 11 pounds! Whew!

Ha!

It turns out that I'm not the only one! At least, "I'm not the only one" who really hates the song "Imagine" by John Lennon. That blog post was ages ago, but someone else just said so here, too. It's always so nice to have my opinions validated!

The Dreaded New Year's Resolution

For several years now, I have enjoyed not making New Year's Resolutions. I hate them, I never stick to them, and I always figured that if there was something I needed to change about myself (and when isn't there at least something that I ought to be working towards?), there was no point in putting it off until January to do it. So I just didn't bother with resolutions.

But this year-- and hopefully only this year!-- it's different. At least, a little bit. A few weeks before Ryder was born, I realized that I was going to have an awful lot of weight to lose after he made his appearance, and I was going to be trying to do this during the holidays. That seemed about as cheery as an ingrown toenail, so I decided I wouldn't even think about my weight until after the holidays. And believe me, I have enjoyed myself immensely in the food department. Just to ring in the New Year, Craig and I made cookies, fudge, and chocolate peanut butter fondue, complete with Rice Krispie treats, angelfood cake, and a host of other things for dipping. (We did have bananas, too. That's healthy, right?) And that was just the stuff that obviously fell into the "dessert" category. And it was all delicious.

But now that the holidays are over, all that ends. So I have effectively saddled myself with a New Year's Resolution, even though I hate those. But I guess I hate diets, too, so why not combine the two?

I keep meaning to come up with Rules for my Eating that will help me lose weight, but every time I started to think about it, I fall asleep. (I told Craig this yesterday and I've never seen him laugh so hard. How is that funny?) So instead, I'm asking for your help: what are your most successful weight loss strategies? Lay 'em on me!

The time to start shedding these baby pounds has officially begun!

Christmas Chaos

I always have this idea that Christmas means relaxing in front of a crackling fire with a mug of hot cocoa and the whipped cream slowly melting into it while I contemplate presents under a glowing tree, cuddled up with Craig on the love sac.

Ahhh... So cozy!

And there definitely were a few minutes of that this season. But I think more than half of them didn't feel nearly as relaxing because I was trying to not spill that hot cocoa as I was jumped on by Bentley and Kendra. I love my kids, but they definitely take the "relaxing" part out of Christmas.

But this year, at least, if Christmas was less than relaxing, they are not the ones to blame. I'd have to say that the bulk of the blame rests solely on my own shoulders.

To kick it all off, I am the one who decided that we just had to have another baby. And while that was definitely the right thing to do and while I absolutely adore my little Ryder, new babies certainly push things into the "less relaxing" category. Especially when their arrival sends big sister into a dramatic phase of crying over everything. And more especially when they arrive right after Thanksgiving and just as the weather turns icy, thus ushering in the cold and flu season. Kendra is now on her second cold and deals with her illness by moaning 24 hours a day. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm actually not. At all. She sounds like a very small and lonely wolf all day and, more to the point: all. night. long.

I thought midnight feedings were exhausting, but this is ten times worse. And has definitely added to the chaos factor for this Christmas.

Sorry, I just love pictures of sleeping babies (maybe because they don't look so cross-eyed then...?).
Be prepared for a lot of these throughout this post...

So between the new baby and the cold (both weather and illness), things were going to be chaotic no matter what. But then we also spent the Saturday before Christmas completely busy first with the ward Christmas party and then with driving straight from the party up to Frederick, Maryland to exchange presents with two of my sisters. Unfortunately, it turns out that there aren't many places to meet up in Frederick, so we decided it would be easiest to meet at the mall. We didn't think about the fact that it was the last Saturday before Christmas! That poor mall was jam-packed full of people! Oh, well. It was still really great to see my sisters, so it was definitely worth it!

Meeting Santa at the ward Christmas party. Ryder slept through the entire thing!

Natalie and Tracy (holding Caleb and Ryder) at the Frederick McDonald's!

Looking very maternal as I try juggling two babies!

Again with the sleeping baby pictures...

Also "less relaxing" was me insisting that we could put Craig's grandmother's old furniture to good use. I'm a sucker for beautiful wood furniture, and so when Craig's Aunt Lynda said we could have whatever we wanted of Grandmere's, I started making lists of the things we wanted. Unfortunately, none of it was available until this month. This month! Can you hear the panic in my typing? This month! Craig's parents did most of the work, and graciously drove down to South Carolina to retrieve said furniture for us. How they fit this into their own busy schedules is something of a mystery to me. But it meant that they arrived, beautiful bedroom set and dining room table in tow, on Wednesday. And we frantically crammed it all into our little house and decided we'd just have to figure out how to arrange things so that they actually "fit" later. That has still not happened yet. Maybe today? Or tomorrow? Definitely some time this week. In the meantime, our box spring is now on the floor and there are several rooms that you can barely squeeze through in our house. And I am not someone who deals with messes like that without a fair amount of stressing out. Chaos!

This has nothing to do with the furniture, but I'm trying to break up the monotony of having too much text with a few pictures. These are capturing a rare moment when I can convince my kids to abandon their usual shorts and t-shirts for some weather-appropriate clothing. And I wonder why Kendra keeps getting sick...

The obvious solution would have been to work on rearranging furniture on Thursday. Then everything would have been ready before family showed up on Friday. But Thursday was the day that the Kennedy Center has their free sing-along Messiah. And having missed it last year (Disney World, and all that), I was bound and determined to not miss it again. So, once again, I made my life way more complicated than it needed to be. But I did have a marvelous time, so I think it was worth it. Craig's parents (again, very graciously) were willing to watch Bentley and Kendra for us while we took Ryder with us and waited in line for a few hours to make sure we got tickets. I guess we got there earlier than necessary, because we ended up sitting in the front row. No kidding. Ryder's ticket (because the Kennedy Center insists that anyone who is breathing have a ticket) was A-1 in the Orchestra section. Craig took pictures:

Ryder and I in the Hall of Nations

Ryder shows off his awesome seat!

My good friend Sarah also came. I highly recommend sitting next to a vocal performance major for occasions like this!

I've already blogged about how much I love the Messiah Sing-Along. If you're in the area, you should come with me next year! It really is such a wonderfully happy event! I think it's impossible to fully appreciate the joy of the "Hallelujah Chorus" until you've sung it at full voice along with 2,000 other people! This is what Christmas is all about, after all.

(Ryder, for the record, was great. There is no easier way to make friends with strangers than to carry a tiny baby around with you. Kids loved him. The ushers loved him. The security guard moved a couch so I could sit while in line. And then the people in line with me offered to save my place so I could continue to sit while the line moved forward. Even the violinists smiled down on him! So kind! So in keeping with the spirit of Christmas!)

So, yes, Messiah was wonderful. But. It meant that my house was still a wreck on Christmas Eve. And then we were too busy with Christmas and family to do anything about it.

We did, however, find time to make cookies. Kendra enjoyed helping Daddy with this endeavor.

My sister and her husband and two children came Friday (Christmas Eve) morning. I wish I could say that they spent Christmas with us, but alas, they were only using us for our handy airport! They flew out to spend Christmas with her in-laws wicked early on Christmas morning (I actually was awake, feeding Ryder when they left, but I didn't get up to see them off). But it was still fun to have them with us for Christmas Eve! A couple highlights included having my sister play her violin to accompany us with the traditional singing of Christmas carols and dressing all the cousins in matching pajamas! So fun!

Chaos! And this isn't even one of the rooms where we added furniture!

Cousins in matching pajamas! So fun!

Reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with Daddy/Uncle Craig

Now that Ryder's awake, we needed to take another cousin picture

Note: it's really hard to get five children all under the age of 4 to hold still, let alone smile!

It's the back of these p.j.'s that really make them adorable!

Also arriving on Christmas Eve were my in-laws (who, you may recall, had already been here to deliver furniture and then to watch Bentley & Kendra while I was busy singing some Handel). They totally out-did themselves this year, and the bar had already been set pretty high by them! My mother-in-law, bless her heart, decided that she didn't want to leave any mess behind at all when they left. So they brought everything with them: linens, towels, and everything for Christmas dinner (including two rolls of paper towels for cleaning up the kitchen). Everything we might have needed, my mother-in-law brought, cooked, and then cleaned up when we were done. I'm so spoiled. Thank you, Donna. Really. Thank you so much. If all the chaos I've been describing didn't cause me to have a nervous breakdown, it's definitely because of all your efforts.

They also brought approximately eight thousand presents for everyone. Including the rest of the first season of Glee for me. Woo hoooo!

Before the kids can open anything...

Kendra tries on her Buzz Lightyear costume

More chaos!

Enjoying some snuggly time!

Kendra, post-cupcake

Ryder tries out a little thumb-sucking

So how do I even begin to sum up our Christmas? It was a lot of insanity. I have to admit that I am anxious to get my life and my house and my children's health back in order. But Christmas was also happy and wonderful and everything Christmas should be. I guess the week before New Year's is for getting organized again, right?

But next year I'm going to schedule more hot cocoa-in-front-of-the-fire time!

Success!

I'm pleased to announce that I managed to bring all three kids with me to the doctor's this morning for Ryder's three-week checkup. All four of us were dressed and fed, and we even arrived on time. I'm pretty proud of myself. And I'm really relieved to have it done with.

I wish I could say that next on the list was a trip to the grocery store, playing in the snow with the kids, cooking a fabulous dinner, and possibly putting in some volunteer hours at the local homeless shelter. But the truth is that that one outing has me beat. I'm in my pajamas now (but I have showered, at least!) and will feel pretty accomplished if I manage to blow dry my hair. If I'm really feeling energetic, I might do the dishes from yesterday. Maybe.

What accomplishments are you proud of for today?

Another Pictures-and-an-Update Post

I'm trying to be better about pictures.

Here you can kind of tell how blonde Ryder's hair is. And yes, he does actually have some hair!

I just loved how tiny his feet looked poking out of the bottom of this sleeper! It reminded me of this ultrasound picture....

Craig got to take the two older kids to church while I stayed home and took a much-needed nap.
But I did at least help him get the kids dressed before he left. And it turns out that we clean up pretty good, if I may say so myself! So then I had to take pictures.

I love Kendra's smile here!

As for me, I'm doing pretty well these days. I spent way too much time hanging out with friends yesterday, but loved every minute of it. Next time I should maybe schedule in some time for meals, though. For now, I'll just call it a "weight loss plan" instead of worrying whether I'm incapable of taking care of myself. The kids all got fed, at least. That counts for something, right? And speaking of food, my visiting teachers are being angels and bringing me dinners. I love the "dinners for women who just had babies" thing in our church. I was thinking about it, and I could count about eight different women I've brought meals to, and probably twelve that have brought me meals over the course of my three children being born. What a great way of serving each other! I know that I will always be grateful to the people who helped me out, and I love getting a chance to return the favor to someone else. It's a marvelous system.

Another marvelous system is the "We saw some snowflakes, cancel everything!!!" system here in Virginia. They have the same system in Seattle. And I love it! It's the reason that Craig gets to come home early today. I see hot cocoa by the fireplace in my very near future.

I think that's about it on my end of things. If you're in Manassas and one of the people I haven't seen yet, then would you please invite yourself over? I'm afraid of going anywhere in the snow, but if you're braver and/or better at driving in the snow than I am, then you are totally welcome to come hang out here! My kids aren't even sick any more, I promise!

Over and out!

It's Bound to Get Better, Right?

So here's the report on my first real morning on my own...

The entire time my Mom was here (and willing to stay up all night holding a cranky baby, should the need arise), Ryder slept great. Sure, he woke up to eat* once or twice, but other than that, he just slept away. So naturally, last night, the first night that my Mom is gone and that I actually need to get up in the morning, he didn't do that. He slept until 1:30 and then ate until 3:00 and then refused to go back to sleep! I didn't know what else to try and had used up my own good will, so I finally nudged Craig awake. He dutifully changed Ryder, burped him some more, and when Ryder continued to fuss, Craig put him in his crib and turned on the bathroom fan so we wouldn't have to listen to him any more.

I felt sort of bad about that, and promised myself I would check on him in ten minutes. But then instead I fell into a very unsound sleep, full of guilty feelings, but not quite heavy enough on the guilt to actually wake me up.

Three hours later, when Craig got up for work, he checked on Ryder and found him crying in his crib. I feel like THE worst mommy in the world. I really hope he hadn't been crying that whole time, but I have no way of ever knowing. Each time I've fed him since then, I've begged him to forgive me and tried to reassure him that I love him. He's mostly just slept, which makes me think he probably was crying for a good chunk of that time.

Any suggestions for how to relieve guilt? Other than promising to not do that again? How do you make things up to a two-week-old?



Later on, I woke up again (I do a lot of waking up these days) to my other two children marching into my bedroom naked. Kendra was at least still wearing her diaper. No such luck with Bentley and his underwear. To top that little performance off, Bentley also informed me that he was going to be pooping soon and I would need to wipe his bum. I guess that was considerate of him to at least give me warning, but it's still not the way I would choose to wake up.

Sigh.

If anyone has a "worst mommy" moment they want to share, I'm open to it. I would love to feel like I'm not the first person to sleep through possibly hours of their infant crying.

But if you want to just grab a whip and help me with my self-flagellation, I wouldn't protest too much. I probably deserve it.



*And unfortunately Ryder still isn't very good at latching on. It can sometimes take him as long as twenty minutes to get it right, during which time he gets more and more angry at me for not just feeding him already, before he finally figures it out and actually nurses like a normal baby. It makes for some very long night-time feedings! I don't remember this being a problem with Kendra...



P.S. A huge congratulations to my sister-in-law on the birth of their son-- Eli Thomas Smith, born Dec. 13th!!!! We can't wait to meet the little guy!
I think it's so cool that Ryder has three little cousins within six months of his age!

Baby Love

I've mostly spent this week falling in love with my little Ryder. I think I love the same things about each baby, but that newborn phase passes so quickly I'm trying hard to appreciate every detail this time. Here are some of my favorites things:

-The Superhero Stretch. This usually happens when I pick Ryder up under his arms after feeding him. He'll curl his legs under him, put one fist under his chin and stretch the other one out. He looks like a mini-superman. (Makes sense, if you remember that his father is so mild-mannered!)

-Newborn Noises. Even crying is sort of hard to take seriously in a newborn, but especially Ryder's cry, because when he gets worked up enough, he'll begin to snort. Kendra was the same way. According to one of the nurses, that's what happens to babies that have quick deliveries: they don't get all the gunk squeezed out of their lungs, so they tend to snort. Whatever the reason, it cracks me up every time. Ryder is also getting good at making that funny chuckling noise in his sleep.


-Those funny half-smiles. Someone decided that newborns smile in their sleep when they have gas. Talk about a killjoy! And I don't believe it for a second. Does that even make any sense at all? Not really. I think he's smiling because he's got a full tummy and is enjoying his sleep. I would, too. Maybe I do? In any case, they're adorable and I love it when I see those smiles flicker across his face.


-The rare occasions when he's actually awake. He just looks around with such a stoic look on his face. Ryder manages to do this with his mouth closed tight, which I think adds to the stoic-ness. Stiff upper lip and all that.


-Letting them sleep against your chest. They only do it for a month or two, but it sure is cozy and snuggly. How does anyone ever set them down when they're sleeping like this?


-Watching him move and remembering feeling those movements inside me. This is especially true of the small wiggly movements-- stretching his back to one side, and things like that. It makes me miss being pregnant (but don't worry-- not enough to do anything about it)!


-Usually when I burp Ryder, I lean him against my chest and he'll throw one arm around mine. It's the sweetest gesture and he is completely unaware of it.

-The other day I was holding him, and he linked pinkies with me. I made Craig take a picture.


It's a beautiful thing, this baby love.

Good Point, Actually.

Okay, so I don't normally base my life philosophy on what guests on the Conan O'Brien show say, but I think this guy actually made some really good points. Thanks to Craig's brother for showing us this one. And apologies for the swearing (although it is bleeped out, so that's not such a big deal, right?).

Hope you enjoy it, too!

Pictures and a Quick Update

Hey, everyone! I'm sure you've been checking in every day hoping for more pictures of my little family, right? Well, who am I to disappoint? Here goes:

Last day in the hospital and I'm feeling good enough to put on a little makeup. Not bad.

Ryder's going home outfit. I bought a girl one and a boy one, just to have my bases covered.
But I forgot to bring socks for the poor guy!

Bentley was so excited to have me home that he celebrated by wearing Craig's pajama pants.
I think it's a good look for him.

Kendra immediately followed suit. I like that her shirt sort of matches my pajamas!

I managed to get a picture of Ryder with both eyes open! Sorry it's a little dark-- I hated to use a flash.

Bentley reminisces about his days spent in that same carrier.

This week has been pretty good, although we're definitely suffering in the Sleep Department. It hasn't helped that Kendra was running a fever yesterday and kept waking up, and now Bentley has one, too. I guess it's nice that the entire family can be sleep deprived together, right? I'm just hoping all that stuff about breastfeeding giving babies some immunity to stuff like this is true. I can't think of anything much sadder than getting sick in your first week of life. Wish us luck there!

I managed to venture out of the house with all three kids today and go to my in-law's house for dinner. I was pretty proud of us all for getting there within an hour of when we said we'd be there. That's about how late we ran even before Ryder, so as far as I'm concerned, we're right on schedule.

Ryder is a typical newborn in that he sleeps a TON. And since he's my third kid, I now have enough parenting experience to enjoy this as much as possible. He's less typical in that he tends to have a bowel movement every fifteen minutes. It's kind of impressive, in a completely gross sort of way. I can never decide if it's better to let him sleep in a dirty diaper or if I should wake him up and change him. But when I need to wake him up during a feeding, this always works like a charm.

My favorite thing about him now, in addition to his tiny bit of hair, is the look he has on his face most times. Bentley used to give me this look that clearly said, "Do you have any idea what you're doing? Because I am not convinced." Ryder looks a little more stoic. He tends to let his eyes wander aimlessly around the room while pursing his lips slightly. The looks says to me, "Well, here I am. I guess. Try not to screw things up too much, okay?" (I am trying, buddy. Really, I am.)

As for me, I'm feeling pretty good, especially considering I'm only taking the occasional ibuprofen. If my life existed in the world of Harry Potter, I'd be making good use the reducto charm, if you know what I mean, but other than that life is good. I'm enjoying having help from so many people: Craig took most of this last week off to be with us all, my in-laws took care of the kids while I was in the hospital (and also cleaned, did laundry, and fixed things around the house-- I have all these cupboards that now magically close properly and a microwave that is so clean I almost didn't recognize it! I'm pretty sure my wonderful in-laws are the ones to thank for these small miracles). My sister also rushed down from Hershey-- with her two kids!-- before I could even get home from the hospital and helped out a ton-- she even thought to bring snack foods for my kids!-- and also kept my house remarkably clean, especially considering that while she was here, we had a 4-year-old, a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, a 5-month-old and a 3-day-old all under one roof. What an adventure! And now my Mom is here also slaving away for me. I think I may have forgotten how to do dishes. It's great! Thank you to ALL of you for all your love and support and plain old hard work!

Every so often I start to wonder how I'll manage three kids on my own next week when all the help is gone. That's when I start to panic. So I tell myself-- Scarlet O'Hara style-- to not worry about it until next week. I've got time to get it all sorted out, right? But for those of you with a handful of kids, any tips you want to suggest will be more than appreciated.

And while I'm soliciting advice, I'm curious: How long is one allowed to wear maternity clothes after giving birth before it's downright embarrassing? No particular reason, I'm just wondering. ;)