A Super Long Post About My Super Short Hair

For most of my childhood, I had very long hair.  As in, it was so long I could almost sit on it.  And then some time in high school I gradually began cutting it shorter.  And shorter.  By the time I graduated, it hovered above my shoulders.  When I did study abroad, I had the other girls in my group cut it for me, which ended up with very mixed results.  (But probably no worse than if I would have let someone cut it who only knew how to cut African hair.)  (When I returned home, my normal stylist made me promise to not let my friends cut my hair ever again!)

Then I left on my mission and my hair got even more complicated.  Because I was supposed to look my best.  But I also had to wear a bike helmet and be out riding in the rain and snow.  And then-- this was what really did me in-- there were so many Japanese girls with the most adorable pixie hair cuts!  I wanted an cute pixie hair like that!  So I let my companion try to cut my hair like that.  And it looked TERRIBLE.  I remember the elders (the 19- and 20-year-old male missionaries) looking at me in horror and one finally murmuring, "You look like you got run over by a lawn mower..."  My mission president was a little nicer.  He smiled in his good-natured way and said, "Well, don't let your companion cut your hair again!"

And that was that.

Except not really.  Because the other thing the elders said was, "Don't you know guys like long hair?"

And oooh, that annoyed me!  Why should I have to grow my hair long again because-- in theory-- guys would like it?  I really am not a fan of a girl ever doing anything for the sole purpose of attracting the general male population.  Have a little more self respect.  Do things for worthwhile reasons, okay?  (It goes both ways-- I don't think guys should do things simply for girls, either.  Just for the record.)  This did NOT make me want to grow my hair long ever again.  (I also have to point out here that Janine, my back-up auxiliary Mom, once wisely said, "Men all think they want a woman with long Lady Godiva-like tresses.  But when it comes right down to it, they'll think you're cute no matter what length your hair is."  Thank you for those words of wisdom, Janine!)

But.  My hair as it was looked terrible, so something needed to change, and that change did need to involve growing my hair at least a little longer.  (Seriously, it looked so bad.  All of my hair was maybe about an inch long?  And my hair is so baby fine that you could see my scalp through my hair.  I looked like someone who'd either just finished chemotherapy or perhaps escaped from a concentration camp.  Which is fine if you've actually done those things!  But if not...  well, then you should not look as bad as I did then.)

I hemmed and hawed about what to do about it.  And finally decided that-- regardless of what boys may or may not like-- I did want long hair at my wedding, some day, should it ever happen.

So I began growing it long again.  And it took a while and lots of in-between styles before it got there.  But eventually I made it!  And yes, I had long hair, beautifully done up, for my wedding, just like I wanted.

Lovely hair!  Happy couple with cake on their hands!

And ten years later, nothing had really changed.  I mean-- I'd cut my hair different lengths every couple years (and then usually not cut it again for another year) and sometimes end up with different amounts of layering and what-not.  But I feel like it's been the same basic hair style, give or take a few inches, for over ten years.

And all of a sudden, I needed it to change.  Part of the problem was when I realized that all I ever did was pull it back into a ponytail.  How boring is that?  And I don't know how to do anything actually fun with hair, so a ponytail was about my only option.  Not only that-- I've never cared enough to try and learn anything else, so all those hair tutorials on YouTube are wasted on me.  And if I haven't bothered learning stuff like that by now, I don't see it happening in the future.

And then, as if the daily ponytail wasn't boring enough, my hair developed these weird cowlicks on the side of my forehead that wanted to stick out like an owl no matter what I did, necessitating the use of gel to pull hair back into said ponytail.  So now I had a gel-ed back ponytail???  Why was I bothering to wash my hair at all (and blow dry it every day) if this was how I ended up looking???  It was driving me batty.  I began looking at women with short hair and trying to figure out how I could pull off that look, too, even with my stupid, thin hair.  I started feeling resentful every time I'd try to leave it down, only to have Camille grab fistfuls of it, yanking out as much as she could.

Finally, I got it trimmed in time for our Christmas pictures and I chatted with the salon girl about how to pull off a pixie cut with my hair.  She assured me it could be done and told me to do a google search for exactly that-- "pixie cut fine hair"-- and then show her exactly what I wanted.  She promised that she would deliver.

I told Craig I was chopping my hair after Christmas.  (Poor Craig!  I announced this the day after he bought me a curling iron for Christmas!  Oh, well.  I did manage to use it once before I cut my hair!)  I pored over pictures until I picked my two favorite haircuts-- one of Jennifer Lawrence and one of Carrie Mulligan.  Pro tip: do not spend hours looking at stunningly beautiful women before you cut your hair just like them.  You will be disappointed when you see that your nose is not nearly as petite and adorable as their noses are, and no haircut in the world is going to fix that!

So here is what I ended up with:

It was more over my forehead, but old habits die hard and I promptly pushed it all to the side. 

 It was fine.  Exactly what I said I wanted.  But I didn't quite love it.



The next day when I (rather trepidatiously) styled it, I ended up with this:

And THIS I love.  This suits me.  And it doesn't take any longer than what I was doing before.  And I think it's adorable.

Hallelujah!!!  Yay for change.  Yay for looking in the mirror and smiling at what you see, rather than thinking you look like an owl.  Yay for a hairstyle I can live with. 

Maybe even for the next ten years.


(And in case you were wondering, Craig loves it, too.  He was pretty nervous about the whole thing.  But he really likes it.  So Janine was right all along!)