Near Tragedy in DC Suburbs (Viewer Discretion Advised)

MANASSAS, VA

A young giraffe was nearly killed in a blatant hit-and-run this week, occurring near his home in Manassas, VA.  First-Response EMT Craig Smith rescued to the scene of the crime, performing impromptu surgery to save the young giraffe's life.  "It was a gruesome sight, really-- the twisted legs and neck, the glazed eyes, the stuffing leaking out of a gaping wound across his back...  I really thought he was a goner," noted Smith, explaining that he was reluctant to even administer treatment, feeling that the giraffe was probably beyond saving. 

Lucky for his adopted mother, Kendra Smith, that EMT Smith is an optimist.  "Just getting him upright and putting a few stitches across his back and it was like he was as good as new again.  These guys sometimes have more life in them than we give them credit for," Smith continued, modestly refusing the many honors that mother Kendra offered to bestow upon her son's hero.

Still wanted at large is the couch, seen in the background of the picture of the crime, believed to be responsible for the hit-and-run.  Anyone with information on the crime is encouraged to report to Chief of Police and Truancy Officer Alanna Smith.  "We'd like to wrap this up as quickly as possible.  We want to ensure that all of our citizens are safe, even from errant couches," noted the Police Chief.