It's Time to be a Big Girl Now

So the thing I may or may not have already whined about is that Craig is really busy.  We're lucky on the days when he makes it home for dinner.  He never gets home before then.  And he frequently has meetings in the evenings so we don't see much of him at all on those days.

Now, most of you are probably thinking: Yeah, sounds like a normal job, Alanna!  And I suppose it is.  But you have to remember that for the past nine years Craig has been a teacher.  And there are many difficult things about that-- most notably the crappy pay.  But the one wonderful thing about being a teacher was that Craig had quite a bit of time to be home with us.  A bad day was when he left work at 4pm, and he frequently came home even earlier than that.  (He also left a lot earlier in the morning-- I think he put in an 8-hour day; he just got his late afternoons to be home.)  And if the kids weren't in school, the odds were pretty good that Craig would be home, too.

So we had all these oodles of kids with two grown-ups around a lot to take care of them, especially in the evenings when they're at their worst and I'm trying to cook dinner.  Craig's job was almost always to keep the kids out of the kitchen so I could cook.  That, and grating cheese for me.  And it was busy and hard, but it was also pretty manageable most of the time.  That was part of the reason we had all these kids-- we usually felt like we could manage them just fine.

But now I have these oodles of kids, but it's a lot more of just me running the show.

And it's been hard.  And I may have had some inner monologue of whininess running through my head at times over how difficult it is.  There have been times when I've been too overwhelmed to try and leave the house with everyone.  And there have also been times when I've been too overwhelmed to cook anything real for dinner so we have macaroni and cheese.

But I'm trying really hard to get over that.  Because two things are gradually sinking in:  1) Craig is not going to get less busy.  But at the same time, 2) The kids are going to get easier.  Sure, they'll turn into teenagers and get all cranky and hormonal and stuff.  But they'll be able to get their shoes on and we'll be able to go to Target without me needing to restrain 60% of them.*

So in the meantime, I'm trying to grow up and Own This.  Own my crazy brood of kids and not be afraid of doing stuff with them even when Craig can't come.  Own the fact that we're one of "those families."  And sometimes I fail miserably and it kind of sucks.  (Note to everyone: don't bring your kids along to give blood.  The kids were great, but the Red Cross workers were NOT.)  And sometimes despite my best intentions, by the end of the day I throw my hands up and we eat frozen pizza instead of whatever real food I was planning on cooking.  And I'm trying to remind myself that that's just fine and that I had days like that even when Craig was home more.

And then, occasionally, there are days like today, where I manage to make a "real dinner."  Early, even!  And I pile everyone into the car and we go to Target and buy pants for Kendra (I swear I already did this in September, but all her pants are super short on her now).  And we swing by Panera and grab some bread bowls for tomorrow night's dinner.  And we get to the church so Bentley can go to scouts and I run all over the building hauling Camille in her carrier trying to track down the bishop so I can get his signature on some forms before we head to the library and then back home for bedtime.  And it's more exhausting than this paragraph even made it sound.  But I did it.  And those kids are in bed now.  And I survived.

I even left some dinner in the fridge of the church for Craig (who will most certainly forget about it, but I had to try, I felt so bad for him not getting any dinner!).

For today, I feel all grown up and capable. 

For today, I win.



*At least, I sure hope so.