A Tribute to my Grandmother

I loved both of my Grandmas very much, but where my Grandma Hansen lived in California and I usually only got to see her for a couple weeks out of the year, Grandma Bentley lived just a hop, skip, and a jump away in Seattle and was a much bigger part of my life.  We were also her only grandchildren, so she was able to really spoil us properly.

I'm only now beginning to appreciate several things about my grandmother: she was an incredibly independent woman, especially for being born in 1915.  My grandfather was a career Naval officer, and was out to sea a lot.  Grandma had both her children while he was gone (a fact that she bemoaned, mostly because she worried that the hospital would think she wasn't married!).  But because of that, she was always an incredibly self-sufficient woman.  She served in our church as the Stake Young Women's President for quite some time, and during that time became acquainted with the Stake President, President Nash (the man who would later marry Craig and I in the Seattle temple).  He was also a dentist (I guess I could just as easily call him Dr. Nash), and he suggested she work for him as a dental hygienist.  He trained her himself, and she worked for decades, first for him and then for Dr. Thomas.  When she got quite old, she retired for a few weeks and then decided she was bored and went right back to work.  I think she continued working well into her 80s.

My Grandma and Grandpa joined the church when my dad was eleven.  Ironically, they'd lived in Utah but never paid any attention to the local religion.  It was when they were living in California that missionaries began visiting them, and they remembered that they'd been given a Book of Mormon right before leaving Utah!  They took the decision to be baptized very seriously, investigating the Church for over a year before finally committing.  (My Grandpa was a smoker, and used to smoke in the car on the way to church every week.  I wonder what the members must have thought of him at the time!  When the missionaries fully explained the Word of Wisdom, he simply quit cold turkey.)  Once they joined, they always stayed active in the church, my Grandpa served as the bishop of the married ward at UW, where they visited every new mother in the hospital.  They both helped out with the dedication of the Seattle Temple, and my Grandma was a temple worker for several years.


My grandfather's death in 1980 was sudden and unexpected, and my Grandma never stopped grieving for him.  I remember as a small child being warned not to talk about Grandpa around her, because it would make her too sad.  As she got older she would talk about him some, but mostly just to tell us how much she missed him.  I remember once when I told her that I was sure he missed her even more, to which she responded, "Oh, he couldn't possibly!"  But her fierce independence served her well through all those years of being a widow.  Where some women from her generation relied on their husbands to pay the bills and take care of them, my grandmother always did fine on her own.  (After living in a couple very expensive assisted living homes for ten years, I was impressed by how much money she still left to my Dad and Aunt!)

My Dad nearly died when he was 26, and my mother and Grandma shared a room while he was recovering, watching over him and praying for his recovery.  If you think brain surgery is scary now, I can't imagine how it was in the 1970s!  This time of stress created a very solid foundation upon which my Mom and Grandma were able to build a wonderful relationship.  I really only appreciated this once I was married and saw in my married friends just how fraught mother/daughter-in-law relationships can be.  (I feel more and more lucky that I love my mother-in-law and enjoy spending time with her!)

Grandma was also super classy.  She loved to shop at Nordstrom, and once gave us all beautiful cashmere scarves and gloves from there.  (I happened to see them on display later and was shocked at how much she'd spent on us!)  She always dressed nicely and she liked to take us shopping and find clothes that we would like.  She was the ONLY one who could find dresses that Natalie (who was quite the tomboy as a kid) was willing to wear.  When I came home from my mission my clothes were practically rags (turns out biking in extreme temperatures and humidity is NOT a good look!), she helped outfit me in decent clothes again.  (How many 22-year-olds would trust their Grandma's fashion advice?  But I trusted my Grandma, and I headed back to BYU looking great.)  Having said all this, I don't want you to think that my Grandma was a "cool" grandma-- she wasn't dramatic, flamboyant Auntie Mame type or anything-- she just had excellent tastes and wasn't afraid to spend money on quality items.

Her home was always decorated beautifully, often with things from the Philippines and China, places she'd lived with my Grandpa before WWII broke out.  And it was ALWAYS spotless.  Grandma felt that if she found dirt while cleaning, she must have waited too long to clean.  (She also made a point of always helping out in the kitchen at church potlucks... because she wanted to know who brought what.  Some people's homes weren't clean enough to eat out of, in her opinion.)  Once, when some friends came to visit, they held up two leaves they'd found in her otherwise perfect yard!

We would usually take turns spending a week with Grandma in the summer.  In addition to the shopping trips, we would see lots of movies.  (I still have a guilty thrill at the fact that she took me to see The Firm, even though it was rated R.  My Mom was probably horrified...)  We would swim in the pool at her condo while she kept an eye on us.  We would visit her neighbors so she could show us off.  She would take us out to dinner and let us watch MTV (this was back when MTV actually showed music videos, and my family didn't have cable, so that was very exciting).  And she always had a bowl of Hershey Kisses sitting on her coffee table that we could snack on.

Bentley was my Grandma's first great-grandchild, and I was immensely pleased to show him off to her.  She played peek-a-boo with him and they both laughed together and it was a beautiful moment.  When we traveled to Seattle for her 100th birthday, I was able to show off my 3-month-old Camille to her, and she sat holding her so pleased. 

Peek-a-boo

Kiss from Grandma

Four generations!

Adding Craig and Rachael to the picture.  I like that Grandma is too busy smiling at Bentley to look at the camera

It is not in most children's nature to be appreciative or grateful for anything, and I'm sure I took my Grandma for granted.  As I cried and watched her coffin be lowered into the ground, it hit me just how lucky I was to have this amazing woman be such an important part of my life.  She was kind and generous.  She loved us.  She loved being with us.  And she was a wonderful example of how a woman can be kind and strong, able and hard working.