Adam's Acceptance Letter

And while we're showing off, here's the letter that Craig wrote welcoming Adam into the Bentley Boy's Club.  It's pretty long, so Craig only read the highlights, but I think it's great in its entirety!  (And I like the logo that Ian created!)

I should also explain before you read it, that the Bentley Boy's Club has been a running joke for years now, started by Brian in response to Leah refusing to let him start a fire in the fireplace of their new home (Leah wanted to have it inspected first)...  Okay, enjoy!






April 7, 2018

Dear Adam Nilsen,

 After much deliberation and careful consideration, we are pleased to offer you a position as the fifth and final member of the Bentley Boys Club.  As you know, the BBC has struggled along for many years at 80% capacity.  We are thrilled to finally declare the Club complete.

Please provide your written acceptance within thirty days' receipt of this notice, or a different candidate may be chosen in your place.

We must admit that accepting you into the BBC brings us some trepidation.  Over the years, we have all taken on certain niches.  Namely, Brian is the athletic one.  Craig is the nice guy.  Cameron is the smart one.  And Ian is the funny one.  Our concern is that you may have us beat on all these fronts, so please be advised that swapping of sisters is strictly forbidden, despite what some members of the Club may tell you.  If you are looking for a niche yourself, the BBC is currently hiring for an event planner/master of ceremonies.  We hope you'll consider applying.

The included documentation outlines some of the bylaws, procedures, and rules for the BBC.  There is also an invoice for your initiation fee and your first six months of membership dues.  You can mail your payment directly to Craig Smith, Treasurer.

As a newly inducted member of the BBC, you are joining an elite force of husbands and fathers.  Only the finest are successful.  We are confident you will be a valued asset to the Club and look forward to your continued membership.

Sincerely,

Brian Madden (President, Founder)

Craig Smith (Treasuerer)

Cameron Richards (Chief Health Officer)

Ian Aveytua (CEO)

BBC Procedures

The following rules are set forth for all members of the Bentley Boys Club in order to ensure matrimonial bliss.  These rules do not represent the opinions of the members of the BBC, individually or collectively.

1.  No Open Flames.  Seriously.  Fire is dangerous.  You'll burn your house down.  Or the whole neighborhood.  Or the whole earth.  What do you think this is?  The Boy Scouts?  No.  It's the Bentley Boys Club, and we take safety seriously.  If you're cold, put on a sweater.  No fires, period.

2.  No Seafood.  (Adam, what you did at the bachelor party was very impressive and manly.  We are all very grateful for your kindness.  Now that you are a married man, it is time to leave these things in your past.  Men who are married to Bentley Girls don't eat fish.  (If you feel the need to occasionally indulge your saltwater appetite, it is best to do it alone.  In the dark.  Where no one will ever find out.  You'll probably find that this leaves you feeling hollow and ashamed, and you'll need to go through a series of ritual cleansings before returning to the presence of a Bentley Girl.))  In short, if you found it at the bottom of the ocean, it's best to leave it there.

3.  You are now a Mariner's fan.  Whatever allegiances or loyalties you may have previously held, and whatever sports you may have previously followed are now irrelevant.  You are a Mariner's fan, first and foremost.  You can still enjoy your old teams from time to time.  The Jazz?  The Yankees?  The Penguins?  BYU football?  That's all very well and good.  You may still have time for these hobbies on occasion.  But keep in mind that no man can serve two masters, and your loyalty must always lie with the Mariners.

4.  Be confident in your driving skills.  The Bentley Girls are all fine drivers with mostly accident-free records.  They are also extremely confident navigators who always know the difference between turning left and turning right.  They do, however, occasionally overestimate their prowess.  We just tell you this so that the first time you are yelled at, cussed at, or publicly shamed or humiliated because of something that happened behind the wheel, hold your head high.  The Bentley Boys Brotherhood has got your back.  We've all been there.

The following advice is offered to you for the care and keeping of your particular Bentley Girl, Tracy.  After many years of careful observation, we feel that you will benefit from our collective experience.

1.  Invest in dental insurance.  Tracy really likes her ice.  She REALLY likes it.  Nothing you say or do will change that, so just accept it and find her a good dentist.  You can thank us later.

2.  Black is beautiful.  We love the red shirt.  It looks great on her, and is a welcome addition to her otherwise shadowy wardrobe.  But please be careful in this regard.  We fear that if you push her too far too fast, you risk breaking her.  We suggest the following: Introduce one new colored shirt each year for the first three years of marriage.  At that point you can reassess and either continue at that rapid pace or slow down if Tracy is feeling overwhelmed.

3.  We think you already learned your lesson about gum.  Just don't go there and you won't have any problems.

4.  We, the long-standing members of the BBC, have grown accustomed to a certain level of service from Tracy in the child-care industry.  While we understand that her primary obligations will be to you and her own family from here on out, please remember that she will continue to be the favorite aunt of our children.  You're welcome to come along with her and babysit any time you like.

Finally, we share with you, our newest brother, the greatest thing about being married to a Bentley Girl.  Adam, the Bentley Girls are all fiercely loyal to the things they love.  The Mariners, Phantom of the Opera, Newsies, Arrested Development, Roger Federer...  The list goes on.  When they find something or someone that they adore, they will never stop loving it.  You have accomplished a remarkable feat in gaining the love of a Bentley Girl.  Be true to her and you will find that love returned to you a million fold!  Congratulations, and welcome to the Club!