Cricket Baseball

I know what you’re thinking. “Cricket basically IS baseball, so that makes for a pretty redundant title for your post!” Would that that was what I was referring to. No, the cricket I’m talking about is those ugly insects that are basically cockroaches that hop and also seem to really like my basement. If you’re a regular reader, you know that I was rejoicing in the cold weather because it meant the end of the nasty little things, but I guess one decided to try hibernating indoors this winter. I discovered it relaxing on the love sac (ON MY LOVE SAC!!!) right in front of the heating vent, probably considering itself to be in a little grasshopper paradise. (Yes, I realize there is a difference between crickets and grasshoppers, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care, either. So there.)

I grabbed the fly swatter and began poking at the thing trying to get it off the love sac. For obvious reasons, I didn’t want squished cricket all over it. The stupid thing was trying to hop but couldn’t manage to get the right footing for it or something, so it was awkwardly scrambling around while I tried to give it a little direction. Finally it managed a good jump right as I swung with the fly swatter and—thwack!—you have the reason for this post’s title! The smacking sound it made as it hit the opposite wall pleased me no end. Unfortunately, the opposite wall is dark wood paneling (actually pretty much the whole room is, except for the brick fireplace; some day we’ll paint it), so after it landed over there, it was really hard to find. After glaring into the dark corners (why can’t these things ever happen during the day, or else when Craig’s home to take care of them???), I finally located the pest. Then I beat the crap out of him with the fly swatter. Not one to take any chances, I then proceeded to vacuum him up. For the record, I’m not completely insane; I’ve seen bugs that I was quite certain were dead wait a few minutes and then crawl hastily away. I’m not sure if they just recovered very quickly or were actually that crafty, but either way it’s creepy. Also, I’d been meaning to vacuum that room all week anyway, so this was as good a reason as any to finally do it.

Anyway, it’s a really long story with not much point to it, but the point I hope you do take away from all this is: crickets, beware. And Seattle Mariners, if you need someone, I’ve got a killer swing and I’m available.