Farewell, Isaiah

Isaiah went to a new home yesterday and I have a lot of feelings about it, as you can imagine.  I was really struggling: the not sleeping was definitely taking its toll, and then he really needed to be supervised 24/7 because he was constantly climbing things (onto the tables and counters, and most recently scaling the bookshelves), getting into food, and if he had a poopy diaper, he would get a hand inside it and smear poop everywhere.  Which is pretty much the worst, grossest thing ever.  Even when he was asleep you never knew when he would suddenly wake up and get back to wreaking havoc.

Who, me?

So, yes, taking care of him was really hard.  And I knew it was only going to be harder once the kids went back to school and I was doing it all on my own.  I'd had high hopes of getting him into daycare or preschool, but DSS wouldn't cover daycare and the preschool options we found were either a long ways off from opening (one is hoping to open in the middle of September, if they can get their license ??? and the special education programs through the schools can easily take two months to get everything lined up and happening).  I just didn't think I could hold out that long.

And as if to prove me right, within ten minutes of my kids all leaving for their first day of school, he'd managed to get poop all over my kitchen floor and I was running around like a crazy person trying to do damage control and figure out how to clean him and the floor.  It was... kind of awful.

He'd get pretty snuggly once he was really tired, but even then, you HAD to be standing up or he wanted nothing to do with you

So when Kennedi called me and said that the Jonah's foster mom was willing to take Isaiah, too, it felt like a pretty perfect solution.  Craig and I still took time to discuss it and think about it a lot.  But it definitely felt like the best thing for everyone: I was off the hook without (exactly) quitting, and he could be with family.  And since he and his brother will be in the same location, it will make visits with parents and grandparents easier when they get to that point.  My kids were a little sad when I told them since they've grown to really love Isaiah, but they were also kind of happy to get their rooms back and no longer have to watch him for me every time I need to take a shower or use the bathroom.

Bentley got so good at schlepping Isaiah around!

So yesterday Savannah, his DSS worker, came and got him.  I had him all packed up with WAY more stuff than he came with.  It turns out I'm really good at soliciting donations, and had gotten him lots of clothes and toys and books.  Everything I could fit in his duffel bag and a Costco diaper box went with him.

He also was pretty difficult this week, including being up our last night from 2:30-6am (!!!) and, as I already wrote about, the poop incident (the 3rd one, despite us watching him like a hawk).  He'd also managed to dump out another box of Cheerios while I was on a zoom meeting trying to discuss if he'd qualify for special education services through the schools (99% sure he's autistic, so that's a resounding YES).  And he'd recently gotten interested in trying to splash in the toilet.  So all of these things made it easier to say good-bye.

Finally asleep in my arms after refusing to take a nap

But I still wanted to cry as I buckled him into the car and waved as they drove off.

I really tried my best, but this was so much more work (and so much LESS SLEEP) than I'd ever anticipated.  I hope I did more good than damage taking him in for these five weeks.

One of the best pictures I ever managed to take of him...

I can't imagine he'll remember us at all, but I know we will always remember him. 💝