I Can Do Hard Things. Apparently.

So I'm learning about myself. And this particular lesson comes from all that running I've been doing. Because the truth is, I sort of hate running. But I keep doing it. And I finally noticed that my emotions about running swing through this whole gamut which is kind of interesting, and tells me a lot about myself. I start by looking forward to the run. The night before I go running, I'm even kind of excited about it. In the morning as I pull everything on and tie my shoes and clip on my shuffle, I'm genuinely happy to be going running.

But actually doing it?

Not nearly as much fun.

It's hard for me to even force myself to go out the front door. And as soon as I'm actually, honest-to-goodness running, mostly all I can think about is how much I'd like to stop. Even when I have those rare moments of thinking, "I'm doing great! My breathing is even, my legs aren't tired-- I could probably do this for quite a while," they're immediately followed by an intense desire to stop and just walk. This is why I have to run with Vangie. First of all, talking with her distracts me from these thoughts. Second, I feel totally lame when I force her to walk with me. The last time I tried running alone, I walked more than half of it. And that was right after my 5K! So I need a buddy for these things.

So, yes, I hate the actual running part.

But then when I'm done, I swing right back to loving it. I feel so good and alive after a run! It's wonderful starting out the day with such a feeling of accomplishment! And this is why I'm still going. This is why I plan to keep it up.

And this is where the whole "learning about me" thing comes in-- I'm finally understanding that this is how I do everything that falls into the hard-but-worth-it category. It's how I had Ryder-- full of excitement for a natural delivery, complaining about how much I hated it once the contractions got full-on difficult, and then so glad I did it after I had him in my arms. It's how I wrote my master's thesis. (Man, I hated writing that thing! But as soon as I was done, I announced that some day I wanted to get a PhD!) And this was how I felt last July when Craig and I embarked on our crazy diet-- excited to start, hated it for a good chunk of those difficult 6 weeks, and then loved walking around 17 lbs lighter.

Which brings me to my real point: it's time to diet again. I know I'll hate it. But my original goal was to lose 30 lbs, and I never finished off those final 6. I didn't even try during the holidays-- I'm not a complete killjoy!-- but now it's time. I'm going back to full-on Fuhrman plan (which basically means no dairy, meat, fats & oils, or highly refined carbs, but all the fruits, veggies and legumes you can handle) until those 6 lbs + the 3 that got tacked on during Christmas are gone. Then I'm allowing myself one splurge (Maggiano's, perhaps?) and then I'm recommitting until I lose 5 more as a safety cushion. If this sounds overly complicated, that's because it probably is. But I think I can do it. I've got Craig lined up as my support person to keep telling me it's worth it. And I know I'll hate it while I'm in the middle of it. But I also know how happy I'll be when I get there.

And hey, apparently this is how I roll!



P.S. Last night as a final meal before the diet began, I made Creamy Pesto Pasta. And it was heavenly. If you aren't trying to lose weight, I HIGHLY recommend it! "Yum" doesn't even begin to describe this dish. It might even be a "Wow"... This is what I'm making the next time I have family in town to cook for!