Sew Done

You know that I can't sew, right?

Not only do I not know ANYTHING about sewing, I actually come from a long line of non-sewing people.  My Grandma Bentley was so bad at sewing that back when girls had to take home-ec classes (or whatever they called it then), they finally just had her sit in the back with scissors to cut out other people's bad stitches.  She was THAT hopeless!  My Mom, who is very capable in many ways, used to hire people to sew stuff for her whenever she needed costumes for my sisters' hula classes or whatnot. 

So I've always known that I come by my inability to sew very naturally.

But I've still sort of wondered if I actually tried to learn, just maybe I might be capable of sewing.  I mean, my Grandma Hansen loved to crochet, so maybe-- like with every superhero story--there was some hidden power lying dormant in me, just waiting to be tapped...  if someone were to teach me... very patiently..?

But I think it's time I gave up on that notion.  I've tried sewing things for church a couple times, and both times I mysteriously ended up with these race car sewing machines that were impossible to control.  (REALLY!  Both times!!!  Other women came to help me and both times they were like, "Yikes, this machine is really difficult!"  So I'm not just making excuses for myself.  It wouldn't even occur to me to make something like that up!)  The second time, we were making infinity scarves and while I actually like mine and occasionally wear it, I always try very to hide the stitching because it loops all over and back on itself in a sort of amazingly bad way.

I did show it to one friend because I knew she'd find it funny (she wrote a book on quilting, so yeah, she knows how to sew).  She tried to be nice and say it wasn't too bad and then she got to the actually really bad part and she began howling with laughter.  I was happy to laugh along with her, so don't feel bad for me here.  I'm not aiming for pity, I'm just trying to give you an honest picture of literally how incapable I am of this stuff.

But I still occasionally think I must be able to figure it out.  I mean-- it all makes sense in my head, so how hard can it be?  But in the last couple weeks I've tried to hand-stitch a couple things back together (the belt loop on my bathrobe and the loop on the back of Ryder's tie) and it really was kind of amazing how much I could mess up these simple tasks!  At one point I accidentally poked the needle all the way through the tie and then back in an inch away!  How did I do that without even realizing it???  I have no idea.  I suspect that sitting on my bed and chatting on the phone while trying to do a task which I am wildly incapable of doing is a bad idea.  But still!!!!!

A couple snips with the scissors and it was fine.  My Grandma would be so proud.