Issues (mine, not yours)

I hate to be left out of anything. I'd like to think that this is due to my being the middle child; I rarely missed out on any of the many activities my siblings were involved in. But the more likely answer is that I'm just insecure. I hate hearing about a party that I wasn't invited to. I hate knowing my friends have done something without me. Deep down, I know that this is silly and that I couldn't possibly be included in everything that everyone I know does. But in a perfect world, I'd find a way (housework be darned!).

This isn't just limited to social events. Early on in my mission, I realized that I had a hard time enjoying looking at other people's mission pictures because of all the cool experiences I felt like I'd missed out on. There are so many wonderful things to try, amazing places to go. I get so jealous of the stuff others have done that I haven't gotten to try yet. Or that I have tried and want to do again.

Anyway, the obvious flip-side to this is that I also hate to leave anyone out. Any time I make plans with a friend, there's this part of me that is just itching to call up everyone else I know and invite them along, too. The more the merrier, right?* It makes it hard for me to ever plan parties (not that I try very often) because I can never narrow down the guest list and I agonize over every person not issued an invitation. What if they hear about it and feel left out? What if they conclude that I don't like them very much? (Notice that I never worry about which friends that I'm inviting might not want to come.)

This is also the reason why I never mention parties or friendly hang-out time on my blog. I may have had the time of my life with you the other day. I probably did, in fact. But on the off-chance that someone else reading this didn't get to come along, I'm not going to talk about it and risk having them feel left out.

So don't feel bad if I don't write about how fun you are here. It's not you, it's me. Really.




*Oh, wait, no. Because I ALSO hate really big groups. Once you get more than about five people in a room, I begin to feel like no one is listening to anyone and I'd rather just go read a good book. But that's an issue for a different post, I suppose.