Bentley is trying to break up my marriage.
The other day, we had a little incident at pre-school. It-- ahem-- involved Bentley exposing himself. (Those of you with sons: Please tell me that this is normal behavior and that my son is not a pervert. PLEASE.) So afterwards, I tried to discuss with him how this was not appropriate. Even though I was being very reasonable and not even raising my voice, Bentley began pouting and then finally exclaimed as defensively as he could muster, "But Daddy does that!"
Time froze momentarily. I blinked once. Then I decided to clarify, "Daddy does what?"
"Daddy gets to wear shorts! I want to wear shorts, too!"
"Um. Okay, you can wear shorts. But what I'm talking about is how you can't pull your pants down in front of other people, okay?"
Apparently Bentley had switched topics without bothering to tell me. Later on Craig assured me that he is not in the habit of exposing himself to others, especially the kids. Phew! Because I'm pretty sure that would have put a strain on our marriage... (And probably his teaching career, too, for that matter.)
So then yesterday, Craig was out on the front porch cutting tile, and then suddenly came back in the house. Bentley, in the other room, heard the screen door open and slam and promptly shouted out, "Is that the mailman?!?!" This time it was Craig's turn to look at me funny. Does the mailman often come inside to visit with you? was what his expression clearly implied. I could only stare wide-eyed and shake my head, assuring him that a) the mailman has never stepped foot inside our house and b) just for the record, our mailman is a woman.
Bentley must have noticed the momentary tension he created, though, because that became his favorite joke for the rest of the afternoon. Every time Craig came in the house he was greeted as though he were the mailman. Just what every father longs to hear.
Oh, and while I'm telling stories about the kids, Kendra has gotten pretty good at singing along with the Glee version of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face." I'm pretty sure this is a knock against my awesome mothering skills. Although Craig has been very kind about not pointing this out to me. Yet.
When they talk about kids putting a strain on your marriage, it never occurred to me that the kids would be doing it deliberately!
7 comments:
My nephew went through a camera phase at about 4. Hopefully that says it all.
Maybe Craig should be a mailman for Halloween, just to drive the joke home.
oh man, that is dang funny. "daddy does it!" ha ha ha. "is that the mailman?!?" haha... ohhh shoot...
:D
You are such a funny writer. :) I read this out loud to Dave and he got a good laugh out of it to (especially the mailman part). Heehee.
:)
That is hilarious!! Man, I think I'd better stop bringing my sons down to your place or they'll be totally corrupted!!! ;0) I've told you my story about my friend's son putting on a strip show for my other friend and me, right?? He was almost 4 at that point, and his mom could never get him to keep clothes on. Of course, part of that also could've been that we were in the Caribbean where it was hotter than...Grenada, but still, he definitely enjoyed being naked.
This is hilarious. Don't worry about Kendra - I think Poker Face is less controversial than the song we sang from Man of La Mancha! -Leah
Hilarious!! :)
I think more than anything, Jeff is excited to (someday) have kids who are this hilarious and entertaining. He doesn't dream about raising little accountants to follow in his footsteps, but to just have reason to laugh at all the time! :)
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