It's not that I actually have a problem with the Disney princesses. I was just as enamored with The Little Mermaid as anyone else my age when that movie came out; I have fond memories of trying to swim like a mermaid whenever possible (and being thrilled that one of Ariel's sisters was named Alana!). And in all honesty, I think Beauty & the Beast's Belle is a fabulous role model for little girls. But despite that, there is something in me that cringes when I see the way princesses have been thrust upon young girls as the ultimate life goal. It was for this reason that I smugly purchased Mulan for Kendra this Christmas, rather than any of the other more princess-y movies that Disney has to offer. Mulan takes charge of her life, becomes a warrior, and saves China. This is the kind of role model I can fully approve of for my little girl.
Most of my ideas about this came from Marjorie Williams' essay about Princess Di's death, titled "The Princess Puzzle." Williams noted that "it is rare the little girl who wants to grow up to be queen. To wish to be a princess is not simply to aspire upward, to royalty; it is also to aspire to perpetual daughter-hood, to permanent shelter. To dependency." Williams explained more precisely than I could ever say the problems I had long felt about our obsession with princesses. I have seen this in friends who come home from visiting their families only to sink into a depression because "mom is no longer around to take care of me." And this has always perplexed me, because while I absolutely love spending time with my own parents, there is always a sense of relief when I return home and can be more fully in charge of my life once again. I worry for these friends who would rather be taken care of than take ownership of their own lives.
After mentioning the several bad romances that Di was involved in during her life, Williams states that "for all her fame and her thirty-six years and her accomplished motherhood and her millions, the life of a princess prepared her very poorly to look after herself." And Williams finally concludes that, "The moral of the story is that whether she's riding in a gilt carriage that bears her to St. Paul's Cathedral for the wedding of the century, or in a black Mercedes that bears her to her death, a passenger-- which is the most a princess can hope to be-- is never in charge."
I don't want that fate for myself, or for my daughter. I may call Kendra my Princess, and occasionally Principessa (thank you, Life Is Beautiful), but in reality I want a lot more for her. I want her to be strong and independent. I want her to aspire to be a queen some day. And while I am sure that she will one day discover and fall in love with all of the other Disney princesses (I know I can't keep her watching Mulan for forever), for me to encourage this would feel akin to pushing her to try to come in second in a competition. Why would I hope for her to win a silver medal when what she should be striving for is the gold?
8 comments:
Interesting! I was just discussing this very thing with John. I told him I wanted to be his princesses today and he asked Why? I replied with "I don't have to be responsible and if I was the Queen I would have to be responsible and not just pretty." I was tired that particular day, lol. Sister Dalton told the YW - When you enter a room, you square your shoulders and think to yourself "A Queen has arrived". I really liked your explanation. Mulan is a favorite around here.
I must admit Lizzie is a princess junkie. Loves them. So imagine my surprise when she refused a princess cake for her birthday in favor of a DRAGON CAKE. There is hope for the little girls.
Ah, Principessa is a much better way of saying it. You're gonna kill us. Aidan has started calling herself a Princess. ha
I also have had a slight disdain for the whole "Disney Princess" thing that is foisted on little girls. I couldn't ever quite put my finger on why exactly (because, like you, I grew up with those movies and loved them all) but I'm glad you posted that essay's excerpts; totally makes sense to me why I don't like it now. Of course, girls grow out of those princess-y phases (at least the Disney ones, lol) so it's not the end of the world but I get what you're saying here, definitley.
I have a roommate who calls his girlfriend "My queen". It's pretty disgusting. I guess I'm not a fan of any royalty related terms of endearment.
Shaun - spoken like a true American! :0)
I feel like when we were kids, the whole princess thing was different than it is now. I mean, we all loved Sleeping Beauty, but it's a wonderful movie, who wouldn't like it? I never felt like all the girls were supposed to want to BE Aurora, we just wanted Philip to wake her up. I don't know if I'm making sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that kids used to love the movies for the movies, not because they wanted to be the princesses in the movies.
That was really rambling-y, sorry - it was a very good post, Alanna!
I agree with the whole princess thing. And why do they always have to be in pink? Anyways, I don't think Afton has discovered the princess thing yet. I can only handle one annoying phase at a time! :0) Right now its Elmo. Yikes!
I do enjoy the "princes" movies though.
You'll love this site then: http://www.pinkstinks.co.uk/
They have an awesome baby bib that I'd love to get (if we ever have a girl), except that I don't like the url right on the front. Don't like my kids to be walking ads either.
I agree with Natalie. There was a difference to the princess thing when we were kids. I don't remember it occupying our every waking thought the way it seems to with little girls now. Of course, I don't remember there being as much merchandise for it either. But maybe that's just because we never went shopping so I never noticed.
I seem to be managing to seclude Gareth from all the boy Disney stuff so far, so maybe I'll be able to insulate any future daughters as well. He loves the Lightning McQueen car he got for Christmas, but to him it's just "car red". But that success may also be because we can never afford to buy the Disney movies since they do the stupid pull them off the shelves for several years thing so that when they re-release them they can still sell them for $30. Aargh!
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